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My new living room with an outside deck....I am officially a tenant! #48 Hours #MoveInFriday
A hickey from Kenickie's like a Hallmark card.
Wake up there's things to do!
'Archie' cartoonist Tom Moore dies at 86 huff.to/1OwhZpR
It's cool to have bored neighbor that will sit on the floor in front of the fridge and chip the ice away...good night all xx
If you enjoy my company, why don't you actually make an effort to keep it?
you know how to party!! 🎉🎉
Headache along with defrosting the fridge...sounds like a fun night,right.
Little girl and her pet toad at a pet show, Venice Beach, California, 1936.
They say moving,getting married & having a baby is this most stressful times in life...they haven't met my Moms when stressed. Oy!
I saw a little dog obeying French commands from its French owner and my first thought was, “This fucking dog is smarter than me.”
7yo: I want to-
7yo: But I just-
7yo: Not even if I-
7yo: YOU ARE THE WORST MOM EVER!
We can't even handle how cute (almost) birthday boy Prince George is in this new pic: usm.ag/1IhRDc9
FACT: Boobs are the closest thing we have to magic.
Someone's physical appearance accounts for exactly 0% of their value as a human being. Do I have to put this shit into a pie chart????
Carol Burnett gets the Lifetime Achievement award from @SAGawards
this year. Couldn't pick a better person!!!!
Brian Johnson makes his Red Sox debut tonight against Houston!
So Moms and I went over and peeked through the windows. Moving in on Friday. :-P
Top 4 sounds you hear when you fuck up:
4) game show buzzer
3) smoke detector
2) police siren
1) silent glare from a woman
Starting to pack up my room and getting excited....is it Friday yet?
While filming "Pitch Perfect," Rebel Wilson's contract prohibited her from losing weight, since her character's name was Fat Amy.
Awake....it's too early. Too excited to sleep.
*Peeks into your TL to see if you took your medication yet*
Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert's divorce is final just hours after announcing their split: usm.ag/1CM5HZf
"I hate all those girls who think being stupid is cute."
While you eat all the corn, she waits. instagram.com/p/5YRZvyqS4j/
Dog sitters. Knox is behind them and no squirrel shall dare come near. instagram.com/p/5YSaUBEOWq/
My Puppy Friend Tucker Has Gone To Doggie Heaven. Love you Tucky xx
I think I'm still in shock...I can't believe I'm moving at the end of this week.
Let's not mince words. #sofuckinghot
I got some good news today! I'm going to check out my new apartment on Wednesday.....Happy Gal Dance!!
It's noon and you've only posted 4 selfies. You ok girl?
I want I need I have to have one some day....a black lab puppy dog just went by...puppy friend. #DogLover
I saw a woman driving with a MS BOSSY license plate and I'm pretty sure I know why she's not MRS BOSSY.
I sing Jack Skeleton's "What's this? What's this?!" at buffets
WTH? It's Monday morning why are so many of you out and about at 7:30 am.
True loves means true acceptance, no matter what. Beheadings. Gamy leg. Obesity. Debasing the coinage. I SAID NO MATTER WHAT! #inspiration
Nobody likes clowns. Who the fuck likes clowns.
Thanks to all the @teambettyuk
ladies who are walking in Betty's memory. #BHLove instagram.com/p/5Ux2JCLWSg/
DRINKING GAME! 21+: Every time you hear PHONE drink like you like your tits in a tight top! #WWHL
Goodnight, Twitter. 🌒d
I've watched enough American Gladiators & Double Dare physical challenges to give me the experience I need to win American Ninja Warrior.
I've been doing non-phone related activities. I apologize.
Took a 6 year old and a 1 year old to a 5 year old's birthday party today, if you wonder why my answer to everything tonight is "fuck no".
If you want the doors and windows open evenings, you should get electric lights, which do not blow out. These are cheap now. MO1902
A study has confirmed that British people have the world's sexiest accents.
A white American told me I shouldn't call myself "British" because brown people aren't native to Britain.
A white American
who is the dbag on the 6-7 tonight who said he was glad he got to turn off the timers on his sprinklers bec of the rain. WTF?
Your honeymoon can't be going that great if you're incessantly instagramming photos of it?