The time for Michael Keane to return to Man United is now.
It's always when you're waiting on a text from the love of your life that one unimportant person texts you; "you're invited for a job int...
“We Need to Ban ‘Sorry For the Delay’ From Our Email Vocabulary” by Shelby Lorman journal.thriveglobal.com/we-need-to-ban…
Setup a gym at home so I could finally not go to that one either.
Got tired of the girlfriend accusing me of not listening to her so stopped to pay her attention and all she's been saying is blah-blah-blah
Pigs on airplanes would start acting fucking impudent if they knew they were responsible for all the fucked up shit happening down below.
that shit is not working
You're using A/C in this economy...
John Terry to join #MUFC
's backroom staff
CNN's decision to hire a small army of Trump loyalists to misinform people was...not a good decision:
I discovered a new for of torture recently; that is, strapping a person to a chair and forcing them to watch all episodes of Chewing Gum.
"Hey baby girl, don't let anyone make you believe marriage is the greatest achievement a woman can attain"
Come on @ManUtd
put smile on my face this afternoon..... pls 🙏�#MUNCHE
Imagine being with your supposed love of your life, you're on their web browser typing 'l' and next it suggests lindaikeji dot com...
Police: how may we help you?
Me: my ex has posted 6 pictures of her laughing, smiling and having fun.
Police: take my babalawo's number...
EXT. Foyer - Day
Girl: I love you, cos you are...
[deafening sound of garbage truck passing by]
During labour, the pain is so great that women can almost imagine what male fans go through when their team concedes a last minute winner.
The enemy of my enemy is "that bitch, Tolu."
Imagine meeting the love of your life; she who ticks all the boxes, then one day you unknowingly walk in on her as she's laying a 5min fart.
and some doubt the sock and potency of Nigerian Jollof twitter.com/OchukoMarv/sta…
"I can't fake humble just cos your ass is insecure." #DAMN
Woke up with serious body pains and aches; I need some Dollardol, Poundsterdine and Eurocetamol.
Please RT, my helper might be on your TL.
can i still claim the house in ikoyi? take everything inside now, just give me the house.
With this sweet rain, man should be loloxing with bae but the devil and his tool, capitalism say nope.
This is the way of life brexiters are scared of... twitter.com/BBCSport/statu…
Find someone who will text you like Governor Bentley texts his misstresses.
fam! Arsenalfantv is gonna be mad tonight, blud! you feel me
that's me right there, realising i made a huge mistake joining #arsenal
lol, those 6th jokes are staying in the drafts... or are they? #Arsenal
fool me once; it takes one to know one, fool me twice; damn, i'm a politician.
By lying in bed with your husband 😑twitter.com/Alma_NoSoul/st…
I feel like, the doctor on that United Airline didn't watch the Kendall Jenner and Pepsi ad. Shame.
Spare a thought for the guy whose wife nagged at him: "you're there, just sitting, when a man like you just parted the red sea."
*falls into abyss*
damn, so this is what love feels like.
call your side-ting 'mirage' so if your main-ting ever caught you two together you can be like: "no, it's not what it looks like"...
NEPA/PHCN/IKEJA disco--whatever the fuck y'all call ourselves,-- you're mad and I've gone to buy fuel & turn on the gen to tell you.
Fuck Morgan Freeman, this is the guy i want to narrate my life. twitter.com/HitDaBoogiez/s…
police just stopped me and asked i get out the car, so i wound down the window and told him: "chill! can't you see i'm on the phone?" idiot!
All I need now is to learn some magic tricks and I swear my glow up would be complete.
the person who coined the term, 'honesty is the best policy' clearly didn't have a girlfriend/wife
Every day I wake up to the world further plunging into shit. Starting to think me going to sleep is the cause.
If you believe in these demands, call 08139861001, 08139861002 (Toll Free) or sign the petition - opennass.ng/survey/
5. Audit the N1.15 trillion ($5.75 billion) the National Assembly received from 2005 – 2014
4. Review and reduce the allowances of legislators
3. Maintain a functional website and make public the attendance records at plenary
2. Replace voice voting with electronic voting so citizens can track their representatives