Gonna start asking every vendor: "I want the one that don't come on the menu!"
The power Nosa and Folly wield has officially reached the 'if you don't pay us, we'll cause a 2 week long gridlock in Lagos' levels.
No one values work like the procrastinator; it's why we are always saving work for later, tomorrow, next year...
Relationship with ex couldn't work cos she's a light sleeper and I only sleep in the dark.
This year has just been terrible! Another death to add... Rest In Peace, Edward! #EdAce
If you're in an Uber & see traffic, just stop the trip, walk past the traffic & request the Uber again. Don't say I never taught you nothing
Tobi: Ada, will you marry me?
Ada: You have to ask my dad first.
[a few hours later]
Ada: What'd he say?
Tobi: Says he's already married.
Can the 'WCW/MCM' joke format stay behind in 2016 cos your MCM thinks that shit's been over done already.
RT if you’re a black man who just wants to be loved and women keep trying to use you for sex.
Read Putin's U.N. General Assembly speech ln.is/washingtonpost…
imagine being pregnant for 9 months, 15 hours of labor and you name your son Former Gang Member twitter.com/nbcnews/status…
Mail pays out £150k to Muslim family over Katie Hopkins column trib.al/BFLj5PK
Nigerian Fintech Startup Paystack Raises $1.3 Million via @Forbes forbes.com/sites/mfonobon…
AMAZEBALLS! Chance the Rapper and Kenan Thompson as Run-D.M.C. #ChanceOnSNL
Syrian working as bus driver in Turkey discovers his brother, who has been missing for years, among Aleppo evacuees.
LOVED IT! LOVE IT! LOVING IT! @TurtleCanyonCom
We made a comedy sketch about aphonogelia! youtube.com/watch?v=8ZFdE5…
I do the best mannequin challenge when under the bed of my really hot neighbour.
get an early start to fatherhood by only ever ordering the big piece of chicken.
If a tragedy occurs inside a GTbank, you're looking at about 50% of that state's population being directly affected. Market place not a bank
"babe, you promised me the best fuck of my life, come deliver unless twitter will hear!"
"BRB, gotta apply some leeches first."
Blood loss relaxes you, so when next you're off to a meeting all anxious, stick leeches on you; don't say I never taught you anything.
A thread of ways you can help the innocent people of #Aleppo
. If you can't donate, please RT so people who can will see this, thank you.
looks like today's that day where I have Ab Soul's D.R.U.G.S constantly playing on repeat... lol, song massages me in the soul
(Aug cont.) A hospital for women and children in #Aleppo
January 2016: At least 292 civilians were killed in #Aleppo
A ceasefire has been declared in #Aleppo
This is what the war-torn city's been through in 2016:
If you feel helpless watching the news from Aleppo, remember you can donate to the White Helmets (@SyriaCivilDef
always wanted to jump into a taxi and scream: "follow that car!" so today i did... scared the shit out of the couple in the back though
Alarming reports of executions as pro-Assad forces swept thru rebel-held Aleppo tonight. UN cites reports of "large number" of atrocities.
Last message from this old man in Aleppo: 'We don't have anything left. Oh Arabs, where are you? We are being slaug… twitter.com/i/web/status/8…
“Massacres are happening and the world is watching” #Aleppo bit.ly/2hFzZ6c
People always say #NeverAgain
but Aleppo shows that if the Holocaust had been live-tweeted the world would have sat by and watched.
So sad what's happening in Aleppo. "Never again" we always cry but yet it always happens again.
A massacre being live tweeted before our eyes. Yet the people of Aleppo are abandoned. We can't say we didn't know.
Perhaps my final message from E. Aleppo. Regime forces are closing in and bunker busters are raining down.
Tuesday's Guardian: "'This is a final distress call to the world. Save Aleppo'" (via @hendopolis
I can tweet now but I might not do it forever. please save my daughter's life and others. this is a call from a father.
Lamar is beginning me to hold her up.
Will I see her for another day?
Activists in Aleppo are tweeting out their final, harrowing goodbyes. They will almost certainly be detained/tortured/killed upon capture.
Yeah, you sabi the work. It's a jam 🔥 �twitter.com/Musmah_Itamah/…
I "liked" your picture but rolled my eyes at your stupid ass caption.
Listen to All Night by Musmah: soundcloud.com/musmah-itamah/…
ballet would be a lot easier if instead of getting girls to dance on their tiptoes, they just got taller girls
You might be crazy but your money ain't. You're alright by me.
No matter how pissed you are at someone, never refuse their offer of coffee; "black with 2 sugars, please. Fuck you very much."
Ministry to Disprove WhatsApp Broadcast Rumours.
a dating site for people whose standards are lower than desperate.
Yet to find me a killer bird but yesterday, I caught 2 crows planning a murder.