7 Missed Calls & Other Tragedies: A Whatsapp Love Story
I just spilt my cup of coffee on my rug, now I know exactly how Simba felt watching Scar let go of Mufasa 😡 😢 💔
im from a place where you can do nice things for a girl& it doesnt mean you are tyrna fuck. i moved away from that place a long time ago tho
COCONUT OIL WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE. Pass it round.
Just realised i've never loved a show enough to join a group whose purpose is to hound its creators to alter the show to our demands. Shame
Been playing Kanye's discography All Day; It's been a good day, nigga.
Gonna title my film: Mess in the Toilet so at social events I'll introduce myself so, "Hi, I'm the guy who made the Mess in the Toilet."
Man City win 10 games in a row.
Pep Guardiola meets this man.
Hasn’t won a game since.
Feel like being the arsehole that corrects people that it isn't "waka," but "uwarka!" 😒
Twitter, a reliable contraceptive.
A radioactive man bites a spider, the spider wakes up and starts to cook, clean and take care of the kids but loses its G spot...
Whatever you're going through now, take a second to think about how there are more bananas than there are people slipping on banana peels 😠
LMAO, just seen someone rear-end a Federal Road Safety Corp van in Ikeja.
When you're totally about that, 'i can't come and go and kill myself' life lmao 😂 😹 🤣twitter.com/Omojuwa/status…
I Killed A Spider's Kids And Now It's Sworn Revenge On Me... and other short stories.
LOL, a friend and I & talking about getting funding for a film and next I get a text from a small loans company offering a loan; spooky
My neighbours are having sex, 80 metres away from and I'm really grossed out by the amount of time it took me to calculate the distance.
Oh yeah, this is definitely me right now, #ManCold ln.is/www.youtube.co…
you know, you don't have to have an opinion on everybody's fucking tweet... trust me, it won't kill you
7.5 billion people in the world yet so few humans...
For every time you fail to open a door for a woman, you have to go kill a dragon for her.
Show me your recycle bin and I shall tell you who you are.
life comes at you fast
Oo about to get dragged O.o
Just sneezed four times in a row; warlock badge unlocked!
I once called bullshit, at first he didn't answer then he punched me in the face. Turns out, his name wasn't bullshit.
Just because you refuse to listen you inadvertently deny yourself all the great advice your dog gives.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: ALL SMILES ARE FAKE
, you must declare war on #Ghana
, you've been left with no choice. twitter.com/That_IjebuBado…
Guys, remember when Donald Trump Jnr. was following us and we thought he was cool? LOL!
Her name isn't Bella, it's Evelyn Salt. We've seen this movie. twitter.com/IntheNow_tweet…
Anyway, still trying to figure this Nintendo Switch out, is it a 4 in 1 console or a 16 in 1 cos I got confused.
Nintendo to launch new ‘Switch’ games console in March ln.is/www.ft.com/con…
Just realised my day was actually shit cos I never got to use "bigly" in a sentence...
Retweet to vote for @carras16
's Man of the Match v Fenerbahce.
That's it, the Rooney isn't finished argument is now settled; he's finished.
[Lingard-Pogba-Dab.gif] 🔥 🔥 🔥
APPRECIATING A WOMAN'S BRAIN IS NOT THE SAME AS TREATING A WOMAN LIKE A HUMAN
LMAO, please. I am also not understanding, I blame Captain Philips twitter.com/_herrm/status/…
There you go guys, don't say I never did nothing for y'all #WhatsAppMessages #Illuminati #Warning
⚠ 😈 �BC
"How can the Prime Minister possibly, in good conscience, continue selling weapons to Saudi Arabia… twitter.com/i/web/status/7…
One way to tell if your partner is fucking crazy is if you stick a feather in your hat & call it macaroni all day, then they're fucking craz
"18 updates available" lol in this economy
Waiting at a red light in Lagos:
Light flashes yellow for a millisecond
Orcs beat their war drums in the distance.