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My rap name is Li'l Urethra cuz my flow is weak.
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what do you know about collecting provisions on visiting day, handing it over to seniors at the gate and then go to sleep crying?
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What do you know about putting milo in tin foil and ironing it to make chocolate because chocolate was contraband in the boarding house?
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The farmer who feeds his cows high grade weed charges the butcher extra because, the steaks are high.
I don't need to join a gym, I burn all my calories from when I panic search for the remote control.
Someone asked me for a glass of water and I yelled back: "TAKE A PITCHER, IT'LL LAST LONGER." We laughed & laughed then mum kicked me out.
The more I think about it, my favourite character from, 'FRIENDS' is 'F'. I'm biased.
When my ex deaf girlfriend left me I blamed myself cos really, I should have read the signs.
I hate the fact that I don't have a stalker cos it just says I'm not pretty enough.
It's not you, it's me... I just think we should start DMing other people.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Girl, I'm a poet. Send me nudes.
I put tea in my coffee mug this morning. My mug then promptly threw itself off the counter after such an insult.
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Lil Jon: Whaaaaat!? Man: Huh? Lil Jon: What happened to the Berlin wall? Man: Oh. It was torn down in 1990. Lil Jon: Torn down for What?!
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Did you hear of the man who was encouraged by his lawyer to blame vodka for his killing spree? That's the spirit.
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For my birthday, my mates tried to get me a cake with a stripper in it but I couldn't agree to killing and then baking a stripper.
80% of my tweets come from my drafts folder, the other 20% come from Twitter for Web Client.
There are two types of people in this world: those who think I'm a dreamer and those who ask what kind of person sleep 20-22hrs a day.
A picture is worth a thousand wo--oh shut the fuck up, you talk too much!
Never let a kiss fool you and never let a fool kiss you; comedians are horrible kissers.
Where there is hope, there is a trial.
Italians are one of the craziest people I know, they'll name their baby "Mario" without knowing if he'll grow up having a moustache or not.
Today feels like a good day to spend with one hand holding a smartphone and another in your pants...
I bet Jay Z's 66th problem is being upside down.
Hi there, vain person, before you take your next selfie picture this instead: a T-Rex trying to take a selfie... HI-LA-RI-OUS!
I stopped regarding tennis players as true athletes when I realised that no matter how hard they train they'll never be as good as a wall.