Today is gonna suck, it's only 1022 and I'm freaking exhausted already!
I met Eminem once, he was pretty awkward. His palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy, vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti.
Twitter is currently the only social network that your parents haven't ruined.
I don't need to flirt...I will seduce you with my awkwardness.
A picture from #oklahoma so sad. #prayforoklahoma #wood #sad #force #tornado #wind #damage
The sole purpose of Mountain Dew's creation was for it to be mixed with Whiskey.
Burger King once gave people who unfriended 10 friends on Facebook a free whopper in 2009.
"Ben & Jerry's" Ice Cream company has a graveyard filled with all of its discontinued flavors.
Proving a woman wrong is the most difficult thing in world.
#relaxing #mixing #makingmixes #mixmashup #edm #dance #r3hab #afrojack #davidguetta #skrillex #falloutboy #sidneysampson #cops #apple #numark so this is what I do to relax...
so they say that stress can kill you? im surprised im not dead yet.
my prayers go out to all the families and victims of #oklahoma #PrayforOklahoma
is flooded between PGA Blvd and northlake blvd on U.S highway one @Steve_Weagle
What's with the camera angle on the #PITvsOTT
I can't watch #PITvsOTT
bc my girl is watching happy feet. #inevergetmyway
Ohhhhhhhhhhh billboard awards are on tonight... Still don't care.
Why is everyone talking about @NICKIMINAJ
How does he sleep like that? #cat #comfy #lazy #sunday #fat #oldcat
Tuukka Rask got asked about the electricity in the building & he replied, "I thought the lighting was fine." 😂
It’s really cute when people forget your existence until they need something.
Without nipples, boobs would be pointless
91% of people use music as an escape from all the negative things in their life.
I was trying to think of a good chemistry joke, but all the good ones ARGON.
He once ran a marathon backwards, just to see what second place looked like.
Finding Nemo came out 10 years ago..... I'm old as fuck
: Sleeping with an ex is like masturbation. You know your fucking yourself but you do it anyway.” 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Looks like it's gonna be a good night my girl @Jmarie8604
and roommate.. Pretty stoked.
When you first joined Twitter you never thought it would be this addictive.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
The new update for twitter for iPhone is really annoying.
Second Defense Alliance offers new layer of protection for gun owners who shoot in self defense bit.ly/14pO9w6
Fuck excuses, learn to admit when you fuck up.
I pick and choose my battles. You win.
Kings are on a roll, defeating the Sharks, 2-0 in Game 1. LA has won 5 straight since trailing Blues 2-0 in Quarterfinal series.
That moment when you say, "Just kidding"..... But you're actually dead serious.
I work smarter, not harder.
I have no self control whatsoever...
I will follow and give #shoutouts to anyone who likes the most picks to #1000plus #followers #followback #like
#chicago #blackhawks #snapback #centraldivisionchamps #myboys #stanleycup #nhl #playoffs @chicagoblackhawksnation
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
If Microsoft made actual windows, our homes would be full of thieves and prostitutes. #apple
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
My drinking team has a bowling problem.
That awkward moment when you spell a word correctly but it looks wrong so you stare at it forever, questioning it's existence.
Immature = A word boring people use to describe fun people.
: Being sarcastic to dumb people because they can't tell if you're being honest.” #sheldoncooper #8for26
bombs are fucking nasty.