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Barometer of my Monday: magic erasers are great
Some bloody awful diving already. Really graceful, majestic stuff. #ElClasico
@KalvinMacleod: Remember when there was nothing to check and no device to check it on and all you did was live your life?” …no?
2 years ago leah texted me for notes. i answered 1 year later saying i'd look for them. i just answered again
Retweeted by Bbaymax
It’s March, and I’m MAD #MarchMadness
Weak goal. Standard Hull.
C’mon Hull you punks, make my day.
Rooney missed the pen, but it doesn’t even Mata! #MUFC #LFCvsMUFC
C’mon Falcao…do something, anything!
Horrible defending. And De Gea can’t get beaten at the near post like that.
VIDEO: Juan Mata with an absolute golazo!! This incredible scissor kick finish! Unbelievable!
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45th Minute: Steven Gerrard subbed on. 46th Minute: Steven Gerrard sent off.
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Haha! Holy shit. Stevie G lasts a total of 47 seconds before seeing red. Amazing.
Can cross Boris bikes & posing boyband touristy photos off my LDN bucket list.
Chanced it sans coat
Just once I'd like to not have to run the length of Clapham Junction to change trains.
Rescheduled roadtrip #👎#hertfordshiree
Some guys at the gym watch themselves in the mirror like they wanna live with 100 reflections on an island where sadness cannot find them.
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#MFFOOTY - Correctly Guess the games & RT & FAV this tweet. For a chance TO WIN hamper WORTH OVER £100! #COMPETITION
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.@CocktailTradeCo is the bomb 🍹🍸
Only 11 years 'til we can not see another eclipse in the UK!
[Sees bee on my wife's arm] Uh oh [I roll up a newspaper] Babe.. stay still.. (using newspaper as a megaphone) THERE'S A FUCKING BEE ON YOU
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WIFE: Whatcha thinking about? ME: *thinking about how penguins could probably fly if they just believed in themselves more* Just work stuff
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How do you pronounce tomato? Is it tomato or tomato?
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Eclipses are & always will be cool as hell. Especially when they're hidden behind a blanket of grey clouds -cheers London.
Big fan of sleep, but also love not getting any. It's the best.
Numb face. Craving tea. Contemplating straw. Help.
SO, No takers?! #MFFOOTY - RT & FAV this photo & we'll giveaway 5kg FREE Chicken (Next order)
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Have you dined with us before? No? Well, here at Coleslaw in a Sock we do things a little differently.
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& that's that.
Too good. Bye City.
City aren't going to have a good time tonight.
Dick Avocado is Sunderland's saviour.
Secret Cinema tickets #oops
"Hello young man, I'm looking for a female. Goodbye" Hello & goodbye to you too strange guy at my front door.
I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
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[me training a new employee on how to use the paper shredder] This fuckin robot eats our secrets
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Gonna have to mute Andy Townsend for this.
Uh oh! It's on now
The comeback's on!
Early goal & they might just do this...