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Bbaymax

[at my funeral] ventriloquist: please don't judge me, he paid me a lot of money to do this me: hi everybody!
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just to clarify: it is not a blankie it is an heirloom piece of darth vader's cape and i don't technically NEED it to fall asleep
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Billboard Chart, 15 years ago: 1. Glue on my Dick--Blink 182 2. Horrrrrny--Christina Aguileira 3. AIM Away Message (My Heart)--98 Degrees
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God, grant me the serenity to yell at immigrant children, the courage to still say I'm a Christian, and the ignorance to not get the irony.
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Massive error getting an Uber tonight. Gonna be stuck in traffic for all of eternity.
Didn’t lose at least. Point’s a point at the end of the day. If anything, for me, we played too well. Cliches make me feel better. #mufc
Good that Utd v Chelsea is now a dire fixture of direness
I wonder what it's like to be a giraffe… #itsmy2cents
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Good to see Utd emulating Chelsea’s form in advance of Mourinho arriving #MUFC #ugh #😐
Made & eating the Moist Maker. Ross needed to chill out, it’s not that great.
Gonna be a Jedi when I grow up
🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷😴💤
Limoncello, grappa, bubbles, wine, help #uhoh #Christmas
Being drunk transitioning into actual Xmas is the beessssstttttttt #cheers
Love to drink many beers and alcohols on the eve of Christmas #cheers
Got an advent calendar just in time. Only 24 chocs to catch up.
.@Louiee69 Is President T a real president? I only grab music by elected officials.
.@yearoftheapp Thank you for this. You’ve changed my life. All my meals are perfect now. I am unstoppable.
South Bank Cider Lodge Monday session London Eye in the background times #🍻E
Travel news: @SouthernRailUK trains are literally always delayed, and will be for all of eternity.
Utd are so good. Losing to Bournemouth is a good thing that is fine & good.
Being released in Dec doesn’t make a song a Christmas one. Looking at you East 17.
Throwback to when I slithered into Archipelago for a taste of ze exotic, bra. Snappy service, was bugged all evening. Still, water dinner. #archipelago #python #zebra #crocodile #crickets #exotic #dinner #fitzrovia #london #tbt
Last few minutes of the Trump petition. When it reaches 100,000 names Parliament is obliged to consider it. petition.parliament.uk/petitions/1140…
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Don’t even like the Champions League anyway, whatever.
Good that the defence has fallen to pieces for the CL. Love to concede in Europe #mufc
Just watched Frozen in an enchanted woodland & it was magical #backyardcinema #winterville
Feeling all warm & fuzzy inside twitter.com/paddypower/sta…
Another goalless game with practically no chances. Love it. #mufc
When the 1st guy gave the peace sign the other guy must have been like "how many things does this asshole think he can point to at once?"
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Pre-opening preview of @LaCabinaBar last night - recommended if you’re a fan of tall cocktails, small plates & candlelit basements.
The dawn of December 1st arrives. The door of Michael Buble's cage is unlocked. He flinches from the light. It is time.
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*sits 27 hours for an oil on canvas portrait* omg delete that. Bartholomew i'm serious do not fucking hang that in the Great Hall
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Apparently I’m selling Uggs on FB now. Crazy limited time. All boots sells on.
Saw Romeo Dunn & Lisa Maffia do ‘21 Seconds’ last night and yes, it was as ridiculous & amazing as it sounds.
Hanging like a chandelier today #romeodunn
Don't want to go hoverboard with the praise, but these were great, Scott. Throw-Back to the Future of cupcakes. #tbt #bttf #cupcakes #pinacolada #hoverboard #bday #cake #sandhyathanyouraveragebday
This article appears to have been written by The World's Most Credulous Journalist
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NEWS! 4 out of 5 Brits have sympathy for the morons who get their news from The Sun bit.ly/1MMYFT2
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No Herrera No Rooney No Martial No Carrick No Fellaini No Wilson No Valencia No Shaw No problem.
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Am I a good person? No. But do I try to be better every single day? Also no
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Phhhhhheeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww #MUFC
 
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