This weather has cuffing season in utter chaos. My penis is so confused by the fact that it's 60 degrees out.
I read this post on how to poo properly and it was the best thing I've read all day. So informative!
My tweet game has been weak af
Jeb Bush looks like he eats the end pieces of a loaf of bread.
Facebook profiles of the Paris Nat'l flag didn't last long.
Watching white girls twerk is hilarious
Life is too awesome to worry about those that don't like you or your persona.
Where can I go to find opinions about refugees?
Last question, do any of you candidates have dogs and can we pet them.
This new Bieber album is pure unadulterated flames. If you're of the opposite sex and we've spoken, you will get a text with lyrics tonight.
If she can talk shit with you, watch Seinfeld, and listen to Future at ignorant levels you must wife her.
Unfollowing/friending is like fighting words to the bored.
When did social media determine relation/friendships in reality.
The biggest struggle in my life has been sneezing while brushing my teeth.
Some trolls are claiming I play Candy Crush, I have contacted the FBI.
Adele still has a flip phone?
WHY ARE THERE HEARTS UNDER TWEETS NOW?!?!?!
I need at least 48 hours to decide if I will attend your party tomorrow thanks for your understanding.
Squeezing fruits at the grocery store like an adult.
This is how we do it when @TheMovementVibe
get to moving cause we all up in ya area. This is how we get it when the record get to spinnin...
If you haven't heard of @TheGreen808
you're missing out on dope reggae. 4 part harmonies w/ grooves.
A real haunted house should put your exes in each room, holding a baby that looks just like you.
What base is it when I'm totally ignoring her and just petting her dog instead.
Idk much about science, but I do know that if there is water on Mars then there are also dogs and we need to get up there and pet them.
Life could be different...
grateful for everything
Over baked a whole batch of cookies. I need an adult.
Lazy Man Dub: 5-7
Hill & Crew: 7-10
The Color J: 10-1
My brain will be served scrambled with cheese. 🍳
Chick-Fil-A employees treat you better than your family sometimes.
Playing a Kappa Sigma frat party tonight at Hamden Sydney.
I sweatergawd there better be booze.
Biden probably has one of those voicemails where he tricks you into thinking he picked up.
Last night in Ville de Nash. Finally some funk.
Nashville is an interesting scene
SSB was wild tonight. Shared the stage with @SunnyLedfurd
& his killer band.
One more time 2nite with Cowboy!
Text a former boss and tell them that you won't be in tomorrow.
MY HUMAN RIGHTS ARE BEING ABUSED!
-me waiting in line at Starbucks
I stopped explaining myself when I realized people only understand from their level of perception.
I never lose. Either I win or I learn.
I remember this one time when I wasn't looking at my phone it was crazy.
My TL is flooded with NY tweets. Missing my 2nd home, LES & Bushwick.
stress is caused by giving a fuck
I'll park 10 blocks away if I think I'm gonna screw the parallel parking up in front of people.