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I'm like 25% funny and 85% bad at math
Puberty either makes you hot or a potato.
No matter how funny you are, If I don't like you, I won't laugh.
I remember when I was really ugly and annoying haha... it was like two hours ago lol
Why develop feelings for someone when you can just walk into traffic and achieve the same results
Dentist: no eating for two hours me: dying whale noise
I just wanted to help in the garden... #cat #kitten #garden #wateringcan #catsofinstagram #kittensofinstagram #catstagram #srslycute #seriouslycute #kitty #kitties #cute #fluffy #playful #like #follow #comment
I believe that good things come to those who work.
Those who do not find time for exercise will have to find time for illness.
Trust me, you should never trust anybody.
*At home* Me: "I want to go out, I want friends." *Out* "I want to go home, I hate people."
Sleeping is nice. You forget about everything for a little while.
IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, come sit by me and we can make fun of people together.
Teachers call it "going to the bathroom" We call it "I'm bored. I'm leaving."
If i text you after you text with just "k" then your ass better feel special
Sometimes its really hard to believe that everything happens for a reason.
I take the L and R on my headphones way too seriously.
It is not the size of a man, but the size of his heart that matters. -Evander Holyfield
I was cursed with expensive taste and no money.
Do you ever just rub your eyes so hard that you just start entering some other fucking galaxy of swirls and patterns?
If you do the work you get rewarded. There are no shortcuts in life. -Michael Jordan
If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I'd just laugh and search with them.
I'm the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened like three weeks ago.
If my parents really knew me I'd be screwed.
My entire life is just me "winging it"
Why fall in love when you can just fall asleep?
You call her a slut, a whore, and a bitch... But yet you were the one who dated her....
Someone just got told there's no cat food left!
#cat #cats #kitten #kittens #catstagram #catsofinstagram #kittensofinstagram #pet #pets #petstagram #cute #fluffy #funny #cutey #cutie #aww #instacat #nature #catlover #petlover #kitty #kitties #instapets #like #follow #comment #likeforlike
Did you know when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown but only 4 to extend your arm and punch them in the face?
Ex-BBC
#StuartHall gets 15 months in jail for assaulting 13 girls? Barely over a month per girl?? WTF IS THIS BULLSHIT??? Disgraceful.
It's such a disappointment when a good looking person has a shitty personality.
I'm not always rude. Sometimes I'm sleeping.
Not telling me something because you "don't want to piss me off" is probably the best way to piss me off.
Sorry. I can'tcome to work today, I fractured my motivation.
I gotta carry my phone around with me 24/7 just in case nobody texts me.
First day of school: 30 pencils, 64 crayons, 20 pens, 12 rulers, 10 notebooks. Middle of April: 1 pencil you found on the floor.
I wish tweeting could burn calories...
Rob Van Dam to return to
#WWE at
#MoneyInTheBank next month! Fucking about time!!
#RVD #MITB #Payback #WholeDamnShow The biggest mistake I have made in my life is letting people stay in my life far longer than they deserve to.
Me: *does weird things when home alone* Me: I bet there's hidden cameras...
Even staring at a wall becomes interesting while studying.
No motivation to study no motivation to talk no motivation to move no motivation to breathe no motivation to live no motivation to anything
I'm 500% done with today and about 37% done with tomorrow already
If I'm texting you first, you're doing something right...or you're hot.
I think a lot, but I don't say much.
When you fuck up, own up to it, apologize for it, learn from it and never do it again. Simple.
Joe Kinnear to be Director of Football at Newcastle to "oversee playing style"? What in the flying fuck? Alan Pardew will be pissed.
#NUFC #HappyFathersDay to all the dads out there. Not all of us have one (or know where they are) so if yours is nearby, dont take him for granted
I can't even think of a caption for this, it's just too damn cute.
#cat #kitten #catstagram #cats #kitty #kittens #catsofinstagram #kittensofinstagram #srslycute #seriouslycute #cute #cutie #cutey #sweet #baby #aww #photooftheday #picoftheday #kittenoftheday #catoftheday #fluffy #fluffball #funny #c
I'm actually a really nice person - until you annoy me.