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michael
TAs with netbooks concern and confuse me
jen update: "i know exactly what type of dyson i would be. i have a picture of it on my phone"
jen said she "doesn't want to go out like a little bitch" during a zombie apocalypse.
i feel like way more people would be religious if the bible were a picture book
so basically the plan is to take the money im supposed to use to buy textbooks and instead buy an xbox one
dont ever be the person spotted riding a scooter on campus
um @jennnallen literally just took a full shot of ketchup
congrats to kedrick and cole on being state runner ups in policy debate! it's been such an honor coaching y'all <3 pic.twitter.com/NSdDuYq26A
rainbow wheel dont give a fuck about your problems
how about you give us a handful of change and we give you a tank of gas?
i have taken so much advil in the past three days that im concerned for the longevity of my kidneys
i left my motivation in the womb
"what's your twitter name" "i dont have a twitter, just instagram" the only analogy i can give for this situation is sriracha v tabasco
We are the friends who hate 'Friends'
Retweeted by michael
literally in my outfit from last night haven't showered and am signing for toppers delivery currently #eyo2015
um is 24 hour delivery a thing
what. the. fuck. happened. last. night.
"those fucking capitalist vampires care more about storefronts than humans" tru doe
last triple penetration of 2014 ๐Ÿ˜”
i have had nightmares about faulty target cart escalators
these fuckers in de pere don't recycle pic.twitter.com/plq7R5PAdx
i still have some questions about how heaven works
*chugs beer in the corner at extended family christmas*
i hate when @UberFacts lies to me :(
i will beat literally any of you at trivia crack #challengeme
so if you ever complain that you got inconvenienced by a largely silent protest, you need to return to your ivory tower of safety and stfu
insinuating whites have any risk of racial violence makes you part of the problem, because you dont understand the privilege of being white
saying all lives matter instead of black lives matter is a white cooption of a movement that isn't ours
meeting people who dont have netflix is like meeting warming deniers
i still dont understand how people can think that possessing a confederate flag is okay...
subarus are the nickelback of cars
i really wish people were less sensitive about the fact that everyone poops
LIKE HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT
my TA for my comm b requirement speaks english as a second language and im literally getting penalized for her lack of english knowledge
i don't know if i'll ever feel truly accomplished until i have a wikipedia page
seeing people try to eat burritos (a clearly two handed meal) while trying to do something else is the most awkward failure of multitasking
*makes food* *takes 27 snapchats of it and a photo for instagram* *tries eating food* *has to reheat it bc it got cold while taking pics*
frosty: "im taking pictures of cells per usual" me: "im eating pasta on the floor of my bathroom per usual"
now that Mary Landrieu isn't a senator, at least she can focus her time on assisting more people with keg stands pic.twitter.com/siu2mg2yvS
"Hi so I just stopped at a Taco Bell in Dubuque.." -@AtypicalDouche (to the Taco Bell drive thru worker. In Platteville. 7 mile difference)
Retweeted by michael
seriously how many times does @wezzl_ change his name on here per day