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Michael Moorhead
you know it, i know it, everyone knows it. so either label yourself a tool and accept it, or do the right thing and confrom to society #joke
i still don't understand why screaming "TOOL" across the quiet section of the library is such a social stigma.
Hobbies: Walking into someone's pooping session and playing Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On". A 90's anthem to ease the tension.
Retweeted by Michael Moorhead
whenever professors say "this is REALLY cool" i can't help but eyeroll and say "this is a gen ed, no one agrees"
the epitome of my laziness is that having to walk to the bathroom to pee or just dealing with it is always a sophie's choice level decision
i might need to make another twitter account for sister christian updates because i have a feeling he will be plaguing my twitter soon
sister christian just called to tell me he is singing a solo for his church choir this sunday. that was the only reason he called. #dadidc
why must math teachers always choose the greek symbols hardest to write for their examples #showoff
"bring coconut oil, a ski mask, and duct tape"
in the past two days, suits has developed a stunning 2-0 record against sleep. i'm rooting for the underdog, but the odds aren't for sleep.
successful procrastination is an art form not easily mastered
more money, more problems
i think the spoderman-style pages sum up america's online values quite well: poor grammar, annoyance and supreme lack of original material.
home sweet shitty witte
some super drunk woman made quite the scene at the PAC this evening
for those who remember the time i posted a pic of a guy eating out of a dog dish in sbarro, that same convention is in atown this weekend.
i have a pretty severe problem of using the tv shows i watch as a method of determining my career path. #suits #whitecollar #houseofcards
my only question is how any of these people got talked into working at the DMV.
obligatory fuck waiting at the dmv tweet
the biggest compromises between school and home generally comes down to whether i value parents or legitimate toilet paper more.
*dad starts argument* *dad realizes he is being illogical" *dad has too much pride to admit defeat* *dad storms out*
i want to go to a restaurant that has beds instead of tables
i should write a book called "dressing yourself in a manner that allows your friends to not notice that you have gained the freshman 15"