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zedd was amazing 🔊
is anyone surprised that the two GOP frontrunners are also the people that have zero experience in politics......
if it were possible to be drunk on perkins, i would be blackout rn
*performs seppuku walking out of midterm*
*takes melatonin supplements to go to bed at 4:30am*
sweater weather in the biergarten 👌🏻
when you look dumb af trying to get the new snapchat faces to work in the library: a memoir by michael
class at univ of iowa:
shucking corn 101
harvest season 152
what to eat during winter 202
chunky water after a run 🏁
grabbing a pint with the guys 🍦
just ordered food to be delivered to a bar on a sunday. my alcoholism can no longer be doubted.
"give me LTE or give me death" - patrick henry
*coordinates note-taking pen colors with outfit*
econ prof: oh i forgot to mention, i allow a notecard for the exam
me: *begins to pack up things half way through lecture*
hetero: how do you feel about the word faggot
me: well it's not your word to appropriate so.........
the secret to being sick is lots and lots of mimosas
you know you're in hell when they put celery in the pasta salad 🔍👀
this is an introductory course but we think you're smart bc you go here, so we're skipping the introductory stuff
*goes to the library to update playlists*
the body wasnt made to consume this much alcohol before noon with a hangover
tfw your prof pulls out an 11 inch macbook
: i am willing to sell any non-vital organs for air conditioning in all of my lectures. répondez s'il vous plaît
*goes to the SERF in an uber*
trash chutes are so last year. i want a recycling chute.
day 1 of freshmen move-in: hoards of freshmen begin to roam the streets
psa: coffee tables aren't made for drunk white girls to dance on
hubbie: (n) someone who lives or partakes in the hub
some saucy motherfucker just left two pieces of sushi on the table. i hope he rots in hell for this crime against humanity.
sushi with the closest thing i will ever have to a bae 💘
view from the new apartment 🌞
isnt putting a bernie 2016 sticker on a prius redundant
what's the only thing worse than moving?
everyone else in the city moving at the exact. same. time. 😒
every person while moving: why on earth do we have so many fucking coffee mugs
*watches iron chef while eating plain kraft american single*
i'm such an inconsiderate person that i'll put an empty brita pitcher back in the fridge
punchline: i live alone
asian fusion 🍴
our apartment's maintenance guy seemed surprised that i called when i only tasked him with killing the spider in our living room
trying to decide which is preferable
beautiful day at devil's lake ☀️
presidential election season is a great time to delete facebook friends
i love stormy nights ☔️
such nature, much beauty 🌳
i love when linda comes to visit 🍣
interviewer: so what's it like holding the venus rosewater dish again?
serena: well, it's much lighter than the 350 i can bench
"It'd be cool to have a cat with a chain. If I were Two Chainz I would have a cat named One Chainz and put a chain on it." -@AtypicalDouche
our generation is the type to use their phone to take a selfie documenting a gunshot wound before calling an ambulance
i should've known better than to order food while watching masterchef