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tfw your prof pulls out an 11 inch macbook
attention @BeckyBlank: i am willing to sell any non-vital organs for air conditioning in all of my lectures. répondez s'il vous plaît
*goes to the SERF in an uber*
trash chutes are so last year. i want a recycling chute.
day 1 of freshmen move-in: hoards of freshmen begin to roam the streets
psa: coffee tables aren't made for drunk white girls to dance on
hubbie: (n) someone who lives or partakes in the hub
some saucy motherfucker just left two pieces of sushi on the table. i hope he rots in hell for this crime against humanity.
sushi with the closest thing i will ever have to a bae 💘
view from the new apartment 🌞
isnt putting a bernie 2016 sticker on a prius redundant
what's the only thing worse than moving? everyone else in the city moving at the exact. same. time. 😒
every person while moving: why on earth do we have so many fucking coffee mugs
*watches iron chef while eating plain kraft american single*
i'm such an inconsiderate person that i'll put an empty brita pitcher back in the fridge punchline: i live alone
our apartment's maintenance guy seemed surprised that i called when i only tasked him with killing the spider in our living room
trying to decide which is preferable
beautiful day at devil's lake ☀️
presidential election season is a great time to delete facebook friends
i love stormy nights ☔️
such nature, much beauty 🌳
i love when linda comes to visit 🍣
interviewer: so what's it like holding the venus rosewater dish again? serena: well, it's much lighter than the 350 i can bench
"It'd be cool to have a cat with a chain. If I were Two Chainz I would have a cat named One Chainz and put a chain on it." -@AtypicalDouche
Retweeted by michael
our generation is the type to use their phone to take a selfie documenting a gunshot wound before calling an ambulance
i should've known better than to order food while watching masterchef
grocery shopping status: full sconnie
*enjoys the calm before the storm of ed sheeran snapchat stories*
just finishing a run seems like a good excuse to eat a second burrito today
i'm pretty sure my starbucks order is longer than my resumé
if you can't name the coworker everyone hates, you are the coworker that everyone hates
i brought a smirnoff ice in case things weren't going well #FYI
i'm glad that gays can finally move on to a new pain in the ass that isn't dealing with the marriage equality fight thanks to SCOTUS
i need a henchman, but mainly just a dd who is readily accessible
oscar the gay orchid 🌈
i had an existential crisis when i realized i couldn't call myself a grubby teen anymore
high school: do you have a piece of gum college: do you have a cigarette
enjoying some scotch in the big ole d
appleton east debate has accomplished so much this year that no one expected us to and that is just really fucking awesome #proudcoach
Cole and Kedrick lose in round 10 of the NSDA tournament putting them in the top 35! Fantastic season overall! #GoPatriots
Retweeted by michael
psa: drunkards discussing white privilege in a bar in texas has officially become my worst nightmare
im starting to understand why our street was named shade tree lane 🌳
*gets messaged by uw professor on grindr*
my thoughts on pridefest:
you know who gets more retweets than you? @UberFacts. just let that one sink in a little bit.
my asian kitchen driver legitimately looked like jesus. is this some sort of sick joke

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