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michael
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hey @stine_vu, can i borrow one of your turkey basters for tomorrow? plz & thx
if you're going to state your opinions about ferguson publicly, please review all of the available evidence first. npr.org/blogs/thetwo-w…
"If you've learned one thing from me, it's that grass is not for sleeping" @AtypicalDouche
Retweeted by michael
i feel so unnatural being in grainger without my nails painted
.@UberFacts i literally cannot handle how many times this uberfact has been recycled
"if your fashion sense can in any way be compared to an outdoorsy lesbian, you need to rethink every life decision you have ever made"
maybe i'll just take up a full time job in answering yahoo questions and give up on this whole college thing
there should be a productivity mode on computers that blocks ever social network site and all apps that aren't in microsoft office #please
me writing every paper: why the fuck did i choose this topic there is literally nothing to say about it what have i done im so stupid
how long until nationwide free wifi is a thing
"Nothing makes me more moist than being called Daddy" -@AtypicalDouche
Retweeted by michael
it's really amusing when debaters on the wisconsin circuit ask me if i am alright with counterplans
thinking of dropping out of school because i remembered i have to walk to class in this weather
i just want to live vicariously through my sims
i think i need to go to a doctor because my resting bitch face syndrome is getting too severe
lol remember that one time i thought i would get a 4.0 this semester
im confused are there actually people out there who believe that global warming doesn't exist, but a god does
if i put half as much effort into exercising as i do into avoiding it, i would have the body of a god
taylor swift is a bitch for not releasing her album to spotify
why are TAs so braggy about having children
my head is just so cold!!!
i've read more in bathroom stalls than in textbooks this semester
All the right vibes in the HUT today, why not give away a free SANDY?! RT and favorite this tweet and you might just get passed a blunt!
Retweeted by michael
in the interest of full disclosure, i got a pumpkin spice latte today. it was pretty good.
box: "40% reduced fat!" me: "that probably tastes like shit where the fuck is the regular"
"toasters are for rich people"
"i know cancer is an issue, but is some research on a pill to cure hangovers too much to ask for?"
because im all about that fleisch, bout that fleisch, no svedka
"i was buzzin so hard off that one beer that i couldnt read"
you have two types of friends, trees and snowflakes
just tweeting for the sake of tweeting
"grab the hot pockets"
im not lazy, im efficient
There's just something about Wisconsin. Tonight was legendairy!! instagram.com/p/uH2mivxhM3/
Retweeted by michael
the @Timeflies concert in madison was amazing! praying they come back and stay longer next time!
casual pic with @whatupcal after the best concert ever! can't wait to see him again! pic.twitter.com/4QV8Oybvpr
my bedroom is so messy it has reached obstacle course status
this three hour long-distance coaching phone call though
Retweeted by michael
my only aspiration in life is to have my adult home resemble the decor of the shark tank boardroom
clash of civs bubble round debate for the second tournament in a row #blessed
my favorite thing about being friends with my high school teachers on facebook is when they discuss gubernatorial politics with each other
"you just sound like you're accusing me of being perverted" "you ask me to 69 on a daily basis..."
you know i only smoke dorals...
did you know that only macs go to heaven?
idk about you, but im on team dab