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Auntivirus: An app which automatically asks "beta shaadi kab kar rahe ho" at yhe end of every month.
Mom: Who took cash from my purse? Dad: How would I know? Maid: How would I know? Me: mhare howwouldiknow mein naache mor tak thayya thayya
Retweeted by Ashwani
That moment when you are too shy to make eye contact with Bae.
Fir se tatti kar di #ScoopPoop walo ne.
"Kitni baar bola tujhe answer nahi pata toh beech me mat bola kar"😐😐yC5
Retweeted by Ashwani
Waiting for @ArvindKejriwal to give review of movie Brothers.
Kabbaddi kaun kaun dekhta hain?
We #GoTricolor and join the #SaluteSelfie movement to show our support towards the Indian Army.
Retweeted by Ashwani
"I don't like jail, they got the wrong kind of bars in there." - #CharlesBukowski
Retweeted by Ashwani
#IfGoogleWasIndian i am feeling lucky would be renamed to 'I am feeling lauki'.
How does your student loan debt make you feel? Tell us in 3 emojis or less.
Retweeted by Ashwani
#IfGoogleWasIndian then "i am feeling lucky" would be "tera kuch nahi ho sakta".
People go abroad. Use their brains. Do well. Great. Wonderful. Admirable. They did it for themselves. Why should India feel proud of them?
Retweeted by Ashwani
A pen with a spoon on the other end, because sometimes, you need to eat your words.
Retweeted by Ashwani
When I read some tweets and dont get what they are trying to say.
Retweeted by Ashwani
Tweet your picture with a salute to our brave Armed Forces with #SaluteSelfie…
Retweeted by Ashwani
Ban on porn and maggi has removed. Weekend plan is sorted.
Humari dua kabool hui. Porn ban hat gaya bhaiyo.
.@chetan_bhagat The engineer inside you must be super happy. No?
#Pornban is a step by govt to increase computer literacy .People would now learn the use of VPN, proxies, file sharing technologies etc
Retweeted by Ashwani
Its hard to trust a man who finds porn disgusting.
Retweeted by Ashwani
Acche din ka pata nahi par ab acchi raatein nahi rahi. #PornBan
10th: Beta padh lo, yahi time hai 12th: Beta padh lo, yahi time hai Engg: Beta padh lo, yahi time hai MBA: Beta padh lo, yahi time hai
Retweeted by Ashwani
Only an engineer can understand the value of porn. Kejriwal's protest on #PornBan.
No one tagged me on Facebook, should I be worried or happy? #FriendshipDay
We admire people on Twitter because we've got the luxury of NOT knowing them.
Retweeted by Ashwani
Night speaks in a secret language, only to those who know how to love the dark.
Retweeted by Ashwani
4 life stages: 1) Not knowing what you want 2) Knowing what you want 3) Realize that you will never get it 4) Reconcile oneself to the fact
Retweeted by Ashwani
Dance like nobody is watching and text like nobody can threaten you with a screen shot.
Retweeted by Ashwani
Me: Bhai, main pass ho gaya. F: Chal party de. Me: Bhai, job mil gayi. F: Chal party de. Me: Bhai, ladki ne haa kar di. F: Chal party de.
Hum daaru peete rahein, woh sambhalte rahein. - Sacche Dost. #HappyFriendshipDay
Choose your friends carefully, one day they will be your introduction. #ThoseFriendsWho
Woh copy karte rahein, hum tweet karte rahein: Twelebs
I clicked a photo of the staircase, yeh ab tak ki meri sabse seedhi photo hain.
F1: Oye, coconut water piyega? F2: Nahi, mujhe nahi pasand. F1: Kyun? F2: Because, they are na-real.
When you realise you're having a bad day since 20+ years.
Retweeted by Ashwani
How to properly introduce the Bae to the family
Retweeted by Ashwani
Walked into a tree while looking at phone. We plant trees, water them and this is what they're doing to us.
Retweeted by Ashwani
Everytime people at work asks "Tu kuch lega?" when they're going out to get something to eat, I want to shout "CHHUTTI. CHHUTTI LUNGA!"
Retweeted by Ashwani
Humpty Sharma on Doordarshan. #ThankMeLater :)
Beta, chinta kaahe karte ho, Baahubali 2 bhi aane wali hain.

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