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Anti Joke Jamal
I give candy corn another chance every year because they're so cute but it's always disappointing, they're just plain gross.
grab ur own butt . love urself
fun drinking game: take a shot of water every couple hours to make sure you’re healthy and hydrated
schools have stairs so you can throw yourselves down them
when ur sad always remember that u don’t look like you did in 6th grade
plot twist: a butterfly gets a tattoo of a slut on her back
my essay isn’t done but i sure am
Maybe the sun doesn’t want to be called “hot”. Maybe it wants to be called “beautiful”. Think before you speak.
•mom i’ve had it. i’m dropping out" "excuse me" "i’m done with fake bitches. the hw. all of it. done" "ur in 2nd grade" "no one gets me"
College is nice. You can wear the same shirt two days in a row if you have to because your MWF people don't know about your TR life
I only accept "K" from my mom
You would never guess what's going on behind the scenes at Disneyland! #3 is crazy! antijokejamal.com/secrets-of-dis…
*ends every piece of advice with “idk though” so that its not my fault if i ruin ur life*
U WANNA FUCKING GO?? ????? grab an ice cream together or something because u are attractive
dentist: *slits your throat open with a boxcutter* you’re bleeding because you don’t floss
Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a kitten
snapchat me so i can open it and not respond
if i stay in bed i’ll be warm if i get in the shower i’ll also be warm but the distance between the bed and the shower that is not warm
if i had $1 for every time i got called beautiful i'd have $1 thanks mom
when people compliment me its like wow are you being for real like bless you and your family i hope all your dreams come true amen
the only ship i need is a scholarship can i get a hallelujah
My anaconda don't want none of this academic pressure
AP= advanced procrastinators
fun drinking game: take a shot of water every couple hours to make sure you’re healthy and hydrated
Jay-Z has a song for his daughter called glory. Glory spelled backwards is yrolg which means absolutely nothing, but I had you for a second.
Why did Joey fall of the swing? Because he was shot by a clown.
nothing will fuck you up as much as the realization that there’s no real reason the alphabet needs to be in order
texting someone who doesn't use emoticons is like being locked in a room alone with kristen stewart
Better than Instagram and Pinterest.. Sign up!! antijokejamal.com/r/2jUSm
I need a hug or 6 shots of vodka
me: better check my phone for texts from friends me: *checks phone* me: better get some friends
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
Are you a magician because abracadayum.
sometimes when I say “Im okay” what I rly want is for someone to hold my hand look me in the eyes and say “I know ur not okay here is $1000"
Once upon a time there was a boy standing up. Then he sat down.
*gets pulled over* cop: have u been drinking tonight me: ive been drankin I've been drankin watermelonnn cop: surfbort