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Andrew Marlan
Don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
Trip = booked. RT @kfc: To all our US fans wanting the #doubledowndog, sadly it’s only available in @KFCPhilippines.
I'm convinced a 9-year-old child runs MTV's social media.
President Obama: *Drops mic* #SOTU
"I’ve seen something like gay marriage go from a wedge issue used to drive us apart to a story of freedom." —President Obama #SOTU
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
First time at @zingermans! Great experience. If you're ever in Ann Arbor, you must go.
The Golden Globes is a great reminder that even the most famous celebrities are uncomfortably awkward at conversation. Thank you.
It's 2015, Taco Bell should have drones that deliver. If we can land on the moon, we can deliver tacos airborne to our beds.
The people who make fun of the way foreign people speak English are the same people who don't know the difference between your and you're.
Just won $40 betting that the coat check guy at @DaveandBusters had a master's degree.
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
Twitter's new update removed the number of retweets/favorites a tweet gets. 2015 will be the year without selfies.
Happy New Year! New year, same me, because I am perfect.
Single on New Year's, as is tradition.
If you're wearing Uggs with a dress, I'm going to stop you right there.
Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one.
my constant mood is the nail painting emoji
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
Everyone's outfits are on point after Christmas 👌
PSN is back up! And now I have trust issues.
Very disappointed how long Sony is taking to resolve the issue with PSN. All I want to do is play my new PS4. Not the best first impression.
Shopping the day after Christmas has me like 😳😐
Another phenomenal Christmas in the books. So thankful for my family. ❤️ #blessed
*Hibernates until Christmas*
American Horror Story is great at making you depressed right before bed. Sweet dreams, everyone!
Forever breaking the promise to myself to go to bed at a decent time to avoid feeling like death in the morning.
True mark of adulthood: instead of your parents scheduling your doctor's appointments, you just avoid going to the doctor & hope u don't die
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
The cashier gave me a gift receipt for my groceries. Thanks.. 😒
This is why you don't mess with Jessica Lange. #AHS
If you don't watch at least one Christmas movie per day, you're not doing December right.
Today I am thankful to be alive for another Thanksgiving with family. And wine. God bless wine.
If you're going to be ignorant and offensive be ignorant and offensive. Don't camouflage your hate and call it an opinion on current events.
One Direction just beat Beyoncé for Artist of the Year. Not throwing shade, just live tweeting the #AMAs. 🐸☕️
Not a fan of the Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber relationship drama, but that was one powerfully emotional performance. #AMAs
American Horror Story, killing off our favorite characters since 2011.
One Direction's new album "Four" just dropped on iTunes and it is phenomenal. Lights down, headphones in. 🎧🎶
It's hilarious how irrationally rude people can get when you ask them to do something basic they're literally employed to do. 💅
Halloween drinking game: Take a shot every time you see Elsa tonight.
I was supposed to be born on Halloween, but came a few days earlier right after the Daylight Saving Time change bc I like dramatic entrances
I love that they're making Paper Towns into a movie, but I wish they would've filmed Looking For Alaska first. #BestJohnGreenBook
Thanks for the birthday wishes, everyone! Definitely brightens my otherwise gloomy Monday at work. 😊
(Watches every movie alone because that's my life)
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
It's Scorpio season. We are are known as the hypersexual, super passionate, all-around difficult sign of the Zodiac.
Don't just stare at me. Ask me for my number.
If ChickFilA was REALLY Christian, they'd deliver. Jesus brings deliverance, DOES HE NOT? Deliver my salvation w/ a side of waffle fries.
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
Saturdays are for overeating and watching college football.
Too early to call, but I'm hoping for an American Horror Story without plot holes and disappointment.
"Stars never pay." Jessica Lange is everything. #AHSFREAKSHOW
Bring me Taco Bell and I'll love you forever.
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan