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Andrew Marlan
I won't spend $1.29 on a song, but I'll gladly drop $400 on an iPhone.
I would be a lot more excited about today's iPhone 6 announcement if I wasn't in the middle of my 2-year contract. πŸ˜’
One month until the premiere of American Horror Story: Freak Show. Jessica Lange's last. πŸ˜”
College marching bands should start adopting weird movie music. β€œYeah, we play β€˜Take My Breath Away’ on third downs."
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
I wonder what was said in board meetings when companies decided tweeting like a 12-year-old girl is their most effective marketing strategy.
"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made." #RIPJoanRivers
I look forward to this moment all day. I love you, bed. I'll never leave you.
College football season is the best time of the year. #GAMEDAY
There's a difference between not being able to hold a conversation and not wanting to keep it going.
Seth Myers is such a babe.
Lana Del Rey and wine go hand in hand.
Lmao at you losers paying for Uber and Lyft. My mom can just drop us off as long as your mom can pick us up.
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
Walked out of the salon and a mom says to her daughter, "Oh, he's cute." I think it's safe to say my new hairstyle is a success.
Taco Bell will have a dollar menu starting tomorrow. BRUH. 😍
Hello University of Michigan. Let's turn up.
Happy #LeftHandersDay! In celebration, I'll be smearing my writing and asking people to cut for me because I'm incapable of using scissors.
We never know how much someone hurts inside, no matter how happy he looks.
"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world." -Robin Williams #RIP
August is the Sunday of summer.
Please tell me more about your exes during our date that you asked me on. πŸ˜’
"I wouldn't care if my girlfriend was a cyclops with a beard - I'd just be grateful to have someone to make out with." -Looking For Alaska
Pick up the nearest book to you and turn to page 45. The first sentence explains your love life.
I'm running out of things to watch on Netflix. I might need to start making friends soon.
if the purge was real i'd probably hide in aeropostale because no one has been in there since like 2009
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
Some days you have to reward yourself with a nice glass of wine. Other days, a bottle will do.
Germany can't win a World War tho. #BackToBackChamps
Nothing is more beautiful than the way a fridge looks after you go grocery shopping.
Netflix is my summer bae.
Wait, Orange is the New Black isn't a documentary?
It's not you, it's your grammar.
The things you hear and see in the guys' locker room at the gym.. 😳
About to turn it all the way down tonight.
Literally have the entire Cheesecake Factory to ourselves because we're exclusive.
A squirrel with a white tail just ran past me. Pretty sure this means I'm being haunted by demons?!?
Fourth of July fireworks drinking game: Take a shot every time you see someone with an American flag shirt from Old Navy.
If I don't chant "USA!" while eating a hotdog at some point today, our Founding Fathers would've died for our sins for no reason.
Me flirting: "Okay."
Maybe you'd have a better relationship with people if you didn't constantly subtweet about them. πŸ˜’
Looking For Alaska > The Fault In Our Stars > Paper Towns
Awkwardly unfavoriting someone's tweet because you were just trying to scroll through your TL. πŸ˜’
I miss when summer meant sleeping in every day and playing The Sims all day.
So excited to announce that the brilliant filmmaker Sarah Polley will be writing and directing a film adaptation of Looking for Alaska.
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
Reading "Paper Towns", and they broke into Sea World. Hahaha, I wish I could explain why this is so funny to me, but I prob shouldn't. πŸ˜πŸ˜‚
"The book was better."
#FelonCrushFriday is trending. I think I'm officially done with this world.