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Andrew Marlan

I want a puppy sooooooo badly.
If you need me, I'll be at Taco Bell.
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
Not gonna lie, @zaynmalik's #PillowTalk is ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ.
Are we getting a "dad bod" Ken, too? #Barbie
That emptiness you feel inside when you finish binge watching a phenomenal TV series ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ What now? Where will I go from here? ๐Ÿ˜”
I'm ready for summer nights, tbh.
Relationship status: Taco Bell ๐ŸŒฎ
Looking good and feeling fine.
When wedding receptions have open bars >>> ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ
*Me at this wedding* "Marriage is between one man and one woman." Okay... ๐Ÿ™ƒ
I'm pleased to say my baby son was born yesterday :) ๐Ÿ‘ถ He is healthy and pretty amazing :) I'm very happy!!
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
It's not you, it's your Zodiac sign
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
Katya... May I have a sip of water? ๐Ÿ’งโค๏ธ๏ฟฝ@katya_zamom#RPDRD#rupaulsdragracec#Katyayinstagram.com/p/BAx0o_DnO9Z/Ba
Governor Snyder's voice is so nervous and shaky. It's like he knows the entire State of Michigan wants him to resign or something. #MISOTS16
Apparently, "You have a jawline for days" is @ladygaga's go-to pick up line. #AHSHotel
"The ghosts keep killing the guests. We're gonna end up with zero stars." #AHSHotel
I just realized tonight is the #AHSHotel season finale. ๐Ÿ˜ญ
I just need President Obama to have a "Miley, what's good?!" moment with Paul Ryan. #SOTU
"JUST. ASK. OSAMA. BIN. LADEN." Barack Obama has no chill. #SOTU
"The United States of America is the strongest nation on Earth. Period. It's not even close." *mic drops* -@BarackObama #SOTU
January is like the Monday of months.
Proud of @Charlie_Carver for coming out today. We're glad to have you!
Congrats, @ladygaga! Well deserved. We love The Countess! #GoldenGlobes
Sitting front row at the Russian ballet. Getting cultured. ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿฝ๏ฟฝMjfi
Don't sound too enthusiastic, @twitter.
You know American Horror Story's season is ending when the entire cast dies in an episode.
... And Queenie thought she was the Supreme. ๐Ÿธโ˜•๏ธ#AHSHotell
And you thought your crazy ex had serious abandonment issues.. #AHSHotel
1. Avoid dumb people. Do not try to educate them or try to prove how superior you are to them. Just smile and stay away from them.
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
Good Photoshop isn't supposed to be noticeable. Slow down on that blur tool and teeth whitening, y'all. It's scary.
Happy National Spaghetti Day! Who's taking me out?
Taking down the Christmas tree is the most depressing thing ever.
Give yourself something to look forward to that isn't a person.
I feel like I'm already tired tomorrow.
2015 definitely had a Part 1 and Part 2.
Current relationship status: Sleeping diagonally across my queen-size bed.
Seeing someone get excited about something they're passionate about is such a >>>
Christmas is my favorite time of the year. No better way to close out 2015 than to remember how blessed we are.
Merry Christmas, everyone! ๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿผโ˜ƒ๐ŸŽ„
Going to christmas eve mass. No spoilers please.
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
Miss Colombia...may I have a sip of water?
Retweeted by Andrew Marlan
For someone who loves sleep so much, you'd think that I'd sleep earlier.
Growing up, you're more excited about giving presents than receiving them.
People with iPhones: Type "lardass" and see what it autocorrects to.
It does not feel like Christmas is in a week.

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