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Andre Yates
102 followers
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My daughter always tells her boyfriend that she's dripping wet. Should I get her a towel?
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My daughter told me that she failed her pregnancy test, so I told her to study harder next time...
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My daughter told me that she likes to play with herself in her room. I need to find her some more friends!
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My daughter really doesn't want light in her room. She put a towel under her door. She needs to clean her room. It smells like a skunk!
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Think of a number. Double it. Add six. Half it. Take away the number you started with. Your answer is three.
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Officer: Sir, are you aware how fast you were going? "Well my snapchat selfie says 60 mph..." Officer: omg add me
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when you both are mad but you both still wanna talk
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You can call 1-888-567-8688 to remove yourself from all credit reporting agencies, which will stop credit card applications in your mail.
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Kim - Where is North West? Kanye - *takes out compass* Kim - I mean my baby! Kanye - I'm right here. Kim - Jesus Kanye! Kanye - Yeezus*
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. - W.C. Fields
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"Trap or die" - Trapinthions 10:17
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"Weezy F Baby and the F is for Phenomenal" - Lil Wayne
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"She got a big booty so i call her big booty" -2 chainz
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“Had a phone in jail, that’s a cellphone" - Lil Wayne
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This shit calms meh down
the difference between rolling through a stop sign and coming to a full stop is the amount of weed someone has in their car
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When buying on Craigslist, use a fake e-mail to lowball the seller by a lot, then on your regular e-mail offer.
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Signs that read "Not responsible for your car or its contents" carry no weight in court and are posted simply to discourage legal action.
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain
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My twitter TimeLine: iOS7 iOS7 iOS7 GTA5 iOS7 iOS7 Drake iOS7 iOS7 and some hoe talkin bout her pumpkin spice latte
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imagine if ur fridge did what u do to it everyday, every half hour goes to ur room opens the door and stares at u for 5 minutes then leaves
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There is a water vapor cloud in space which has 100 trillion times the amount of water present on Earth.
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The sentence "Are you as bored as I am?" can be read backwards and still makes sense.
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While Eminem was in rehab, Elton John would call him weekly to check up on him.
Retweeted by Andre Yates