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Darius Malone
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Steve locked his keys in his car, dumbass.
Back In NC, I wish I was still in Manhattan with my awesome family.
Some fully legalized weed distributors in Colorado will celebrate Black Friday by selling $1 joints.
Retweeted by Darius Malone
Most people don't know this but later in life Rudolph the reindeer became a real arrogant prick always on about how he saved Christmas
Handy is a bitch, I swear.
McDonald's is awfully defensive over their pink slime allegations.
So you're using pink slime in your food now, huh? @McDonalds
The only time it's ever socially acceptable to punch someone else in the face for petty reasons is when Black Friday comes rolling around.
Ive been watching the "Carlton dance" for hours now.
Serpico is such a fucking great movie
Hot girls are so dumb.
Oh, Kings … that’s just embarrassing.
My mom's a pro at ruining my day
If I see another Kay Haygan and Thom Tillis advertisment, I swear I'll go bat shit crazy.
Been doing the Carlton dance for 3hrs now.
lol, my dad took all my inscents away cause he thinks i could get high off of them.
I need to simmer down with the tye dye
Damn, once weed beccomes legal for recreational use, it's gonna evolve into poison, like tobacco. I can feel it in my breasts.
The first time I got high, I didn't have any rolling papers, so I ripped out a page from the bible. #PraiseTheLord
I got high and watched Nyan Cat for three hours once.
darius malone you think i cant see you favoriting my tweets
Retweeted by Darius Malone
Seeing your ex with a loser is priceless.
Damn, they booted Kuechly out the game.
Anyone wanna go see Ouija Friday?
Wounds heal faster if you lick them. Tears also help them heal, as well.
Retweeted by Darius Malone
Retweet if you have #GiantsPride - Giants vs. Cowboys Pregame/Game/Postgame Broadcast Info:
Retweeted by Darius Malone
Clay Mathews should've had that TD!
Colton is soo butthurt that his team sucks lol
whoever texted me from a 753 number, your noods aren't gonna cheer me up if your bush is thicker than my lion's mane
i don't have time for this shit i got reservations at chili's i'm meetin my boys
I've slept with most of Canada.
So Fagsdale won?? Wtf? God, we suck. #FuckTheTigers
For those of you that went to the Fagsdale game, please refrain from tweeting about how awesome it was, because unfortunately, I couldn't go
It's not our fault that the San Antonio Spurs are a gay ass organization.
Toilets labelled American Standard have never felt more appropriate.
Peter's acting like a little bitch today, I swear.
Fuck Ragsdale, dude.
Fagsdale's a bunch of little pussy wannabe cowboys. #Southwest