...She looks like she's made of clay and like Chicken Run I'd enjoy her for 15 minutes then suffer for an hour and a half until she finishes
Watching the Steubenville Christmas Parade. That Kate Davison is sexy in a Chicken Run sort of way.
Stinkbug flicking is an artform; and no, that is not a euphemism for female masturbation.
After James Dean died they came out with Jimmy Dean Sausage, and made millions. I have a killer business idea: Pauly Walker Franks.
I'm about to tweet my last Paul Walker Joke. I saved the dumbest one for last.
Is it Mandela or Madea who's played by Tyler Perry? I always get them confused.
, I'm having trouble.
Nelson Madela died. That's one death I won't make a joke about because his life actually meant something.
There's a guy giving a shredder presentation at Wal-Mart. I want to rape him, not in a gay way, I want him to feel the pain of watching him.
Does it count as a ten-second car, if that's how long it takes to burn you to death?
Firetruck joke I wrote today, enjoy. #VineJoke vine.co/v/hxjd67UDKFE
Adam Lanza shot twenty first graders. They couldn't be children if they were in the twenty-first grade.
I'd really like to fuck that Gal Gadot, but something tells me, she'd never come.
I'm having a stroke. I'm having a stroke. I'm having a stroke. I'm having a stroke. I'm having a stroke. #AutoEroticNarrator
I'm having a stroke. I'm having a stroke. I'm having a stroke. I'm having a stroke. I'm having a stroke. #RadioTranscript
I think I'm having a stroke.
"Turkey fisting minibun", stream of conciousness that just passed through my head.
takes longer than three months, if you order it online.
Two men told a woman they had identical penises. Upon finding out it was a lie, she knew they were Con Genital Twins.
Velvet may keep priests from child-fuckery, that would explain why some of their robes are made from it.
The pope was a bouncer. Maybe he'll put a velvet rope between the priesthood and pedophilia.
After 30 years of living a shame-filled life. I, Sam C Moore, have to come out of the closet and say: I believe in Santa Claus.
I sold my moustache to buy you a dildo
But I sold my twat for a moustache comb
Why do you still have it?
(Gift Of The Magi With Whores)
Swiss Miss candy cane hot cocoa with peppermint marshmallows is amazing.
It's like Christmas is coming in my mouth. pic.twitter.com/c1d8tnbtaf
This just in Paul Walker's still dead. In unrelated news, Casper Van Dien's career opportunities just doubled.
Pornography is self-help for the helpless.
The difference between Harry Conic Jr. and Michael Bubblè is a bottle of scotch and three-inches.
If there's grass on the field, play on the back nine.
What do you call a priest that wears a bowtie?
Come two think of it, I may be mixing up bowties with priest collars. On second thought, they're both signs of child-touchery.
You can tell people who wear bowties are pedophiles because when they see a child their tie spins.
Wearing a bowtie is a good way to tell everyone you're a pedophile.
Just realized, no one will ever love me enough to build me a ferris-wheel when I'm dying of ovarian cancer. Thx for that epiphany @Hallmark
Watched Hallmark Hall of Fame's Christmas movie tonight, and cried my eyes out. #AlsoWasALittleGaseous
Jennifer Lawrence showed off in a sheer dress? Ladies, if we can't see your vagina, you're not showing off enough.
I'd like to have sex with that Claire Danes fellow.
Four magic words to get any woman to sleep with you: I've got a gun.
"Tonight, tonight, this whore is full of guys"
"Twelve in a womb, in America."
Watching The Rockford Files, Rita Moreno plays a prostitute. I guess everything's not free in America.
There's nothing but a trail of fire at the scene. Maybe, Paul Walker's DeLorean hit eighty-eight miles per hour.
Not to be outdone by the irony of Paul Walker's death, Kanye West plans to drown in a giant douche-bag.
Just think, if Paul Walker comes back to life, he could change his name to Paul Riser.
First Macho Man Randy Savage, now Paul Walker. When is someone going to do something about these celebrity-murdering trees?
Until the reports are confirmed, Paul Walker is in a state of being both dead and alive. Thus is the nature of Schrödinger's Paul Walker.
I can't tell if Paul Walker's death is a tragedy, or a brilliant marketing ploy by Hot Wheels.
Is Paul Walker still one of the hottest men in Hollywood, or have they put the fire out?
Paul Walker died in a fiery car crash. I wonder if he would have lived, had his name been Paul Driver.
Paul walker died in a fiery car accident. I hope he died fast; otherwise, he'd be furious.