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Alixandra
England: Hoe don't do it America: *declares independence* England: Oh my god
Some of you Motherfuckers could make Gandhi want to punch you
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@detroitredwings omnomnom #LGRW #313 #Detroit
Bailey's Hot Cocoa 😍 #foodporn
[plymouth rock] pilgrims: exchange items as peace treaty indians: ok p: i present the gift of small pox i: wha- p: BLANKETS, I MEAN BLANKETS
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When bros send each other nudes they're called brodes.
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Damn... πŸ’ƒπŸ’Έ
[On a blind date writing cute notes to each other] Me: :. :::. :. ::.: :.: Blind date: :. ::. :. ::. ::
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Things that will never lie to you: 1. Shakira's hips 2. His browser history
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You can either get your hair pulled and ass slapped or catch the feels... But, you can't have both. Choose wisely.
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A DUI, but that gets marriage licenses revoked.
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Did they find the fucking plane yet? Get a huge magnet, move it around the ocean and that thing will pop right up. Amateurs.
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Don't look at me. They are not mine. *referring to annoying @ er who added your name & mine in a tweet
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Ahhhhhh @tmbrs gave me this code for you guys to get 20% off your first order!!! πŸ’ΈπŸ’ƒ
Galaxy cocktail πŸ‘Ύ #galaxy #bartender
Self decorated cheesecake for @spartyonjoe's birthday! πŸ’ƒ
🎢It's going down, I'm yelling tmbr!🎢 These @tmbrs cases are seriously amazing. 😍 #tmbr #inlove
I personally see gold and white. But this was wayy too funny to pass up. XD
How much is it to see the therapist? Ma’am, that’s a buffet.
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An ex called me a self absorbed narcissist today. So I took a long, hard look in the mirror.
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Always say lots of cuss words in front of girls. It shows you've seen R rated movies. This will excite them and make them want to kiss you!!
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I am all six seasons of Lost in your eyes, girl.
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If you can't stand the heat,stay out of the kitchen, if you still can't stand it,then MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BECOME A FIREFIGHTER, STEVEN.
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This girl just said "Can't have 'Daddy issues' if I don't have a daddy!" Can I tell her?
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FUN FACT: A fun fact is actually just a regular fact that can party and knows how to turn up and will peer pressure you into doing drugs.
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An assault rifle that only shoots blanks should be called a JK-47! I am fun at parties please invite me to them.
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Is purgatory where you are not funny enough for twitter but too racy for FB?
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End of midterm exams/ beginning of break treats. πŸ˜„ I have some of the greatest friends ever!! Seriously, thank you so much @robcheskord!! 😘 #SharisBerries
Ahhhh you guys Valentine's Day presents part 2, all the way from England!! Holy crap there is so much candy, but the only thing that truly matters is that I'm finally reunited with my beloved dairy milk oreo!! 😍 Thank you so much Jamie!!
So last night was pretty amazing. The weather sucked but I got to spend it with some of my favorite people. πŸ˜†Thanks to @mattseputro, @jb_shadowninja, and @robcheskord for being the best Valentine's Day dates a girl could ask for. #PrinceCharming (Thank you so much for the beautiful roses and straw
This ring is completely ridiculous... And I absolutely love it. 😍 #accessories #iminlove
Be scarier if it was Friday the Durst-eenth and every time it fell on the calendar you HAD to attend a Limp Bizkit show.
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You can go see Fifty Shades of Grey at a theater for $10 bucks or you can see 1,274,584,227,826 Shades of Grey on Pornhub for free.
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She who dares. Artist: @audkawa Los Angeles, California
Robert Kirkman and George RR Martin are why I have trust issues.
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You'd think I'd be better at stuff for someone who once won a pretty competitive sperm race.
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I traded my soul for a bag of Funyuns and a 2 liter of grape soda back in college so yeh I'm down for whatever.
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If you are gonna hack some shit, why Xbox? Get rid of my student loans or something awesome. Fuckers.
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Being a girl is great. I'm either nothing but glitter and unicorns or full on rip your hair out and strangle you with it.
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Why does Twitter notify me when hundreds of people follow someone? If it isn't me, I don't fucking care.
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Coffee. Sex. Fire. The only 3 things that I can wake up quickly for.
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A woman made yogurt from her vaginal secretions. Which one of you was it? She totally has to be on Twitter.
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Oooo just stop talking for just one sec or I'm going to forget this tweet. Oh wait.... Noooooo..... Already gone. Dammit!
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I was tagged by the beautiful @l_dizzle123 to do the #20beautifulgirlschallenge #SelfieForACause Upload your selfie and tag 20 beautiful girls!
Hi sorry I'm late, I waited until the last possible minute to get out of bed because I hate coming here.
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Omnomnom classy pizza πŸ•πŸ˜ #pizza
I'm completely in love with my @coordinatescollection bracelet! #BestPresentEver #OpenAir15mm Song: Sleeping With A Friend @official_neontrees #LALOVESTORY