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Alixandra
Ahhh this is seriously amazing and I think I might have enough candy to last me a life time!! Lol Thanks Matty! πŸ’πŸ­πŸ¬πŸ« #candyjar
Green and white cocktail. Way to go Spartans! #finalfourbound#msu#gogreen#spartans πŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’š
This is seriously amazing! #thankyou #rolex #perfume
Ohhh fancy candy! #Rolex #candy #chocolate
Listen, plan on washing your face the same as you always do, even as a serial killer. Just saying.
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How many more g’s do you need, Gregg? HOW MANY??? *violently shakes Gregg* *g’s fall from his pockets*
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Looking for a part-time job. Preferably on the weekends or weeknights. Technology-driven with activities including alcohol, food, and couch.
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All primary colors are racist. There, I said it.
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These are seriously good. 😍
For my woman Twitter friends that don't get told it every day, you are beautiful and make me smile!
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I took the forbidden fruit and made a smoothie with it.
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Ok, let's do this! *Update: this game is evil and my mouth is on fireπŸ”₯* #terrified#doritos#roulette#spicy
Guys seriously go checkout @viiviipuff she's an amazing artist and she has pretty awesome hair XD #art #amazing #artist #fucking#love#her
The only "B" word you should call a woman is beautiful. Bitches love to be called beautiful.
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I just parked like such a dick I thought about keying my own car.
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I silently mouth the words "what the fuck?" at least 20 times a day.
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'Hey wind! Blow me' *slaps knee
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Monday? Nah,it's always the weekend when you have no job, no goals, no motivation, no life, no home, no couch.. Where was I going with this?
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The thing I like about twitter? It's simple. We all understand each other. It's a whole other world in here, fucked up and beautiful..
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Pants. Because you hate yourself..
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There are two types of people in this world, people who eat donuts in moderation, and me.
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Just saw that Chicago is the binge-drinking Capitol of America so something new to make me proud.
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Tropical ombrΓ© nails! #diy #nailedit #ombre #nailart #nails
If you're a guy & I RT you, I wanna bang you. If you're a girl & I RT you, one of the guys I RT wants to bang you & I'm helping him.
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The cop asked "where you headed?" I was like "Dude I don't even know where I'm at"
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i dont swirl my wine because im sophisticated i do it because i can barely stand
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Staying off twitter is harder than eating water with chopsticks.
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Just put nicotine in coffee and be done with it.
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Girls mature faster than guys because men don’t usually develop breasts until their mid 40’s.
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Twitter is like having access to everyone's diary who does acid.
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gf: havin dinner with him again? me: no way gf: LIAR- I hear Baywatch! [busts open door revealing kitchen plastered in Hasslehoff posters]
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Parents these days are worried about two things: 1. What their sons download. 2. What their daughters upload.
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I miss you as much as I miss carbs. ...no no no, I don't think you understand how much I F'ING LOVE BREAD.
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Money doesn't buy happiness, but you can hire the best sniper to get rid of kanye west and kim kardashian
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All the good stalkers are taken...
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Her-What do you do? Me-I'm a doctor Her-Really? Me-Yes....of sorts Her-Of sorts? Me-Yeah Her-Meaning? Me-I have google
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Sorry I called you "twitter" while we were fucking.
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Pretty spring flowers
England: Hoe don't do it America: *declares independence* England: Oh my god
Some of you Motherfuckers could make Gandhi want to punch you
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@detroitredwings omnomnom #LGRW #313 #Detroit
Bailey's Hot Cocoa 😍 #foodporn
[plymouth rock] pilgrims: exchange items as peace treaty indians: ok p: i present the gift of small pox i: wha- p: BLANKETS, I MEAN BLANKETS
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When bros send each other nudes they're called brodes.
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Damn... πŸ’ƒπŸ’Έ
[On a blind date writing cute notes to each other] Me: :. :::. :. ::.: :.: Blind date: :. ::. :. ::. ::
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Things that will never lie to you: 1. Shakira's hips 2. His browser history
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