Want to Grow Your
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Damn! I really wanted to pet a raptor! @prattprattpratt
Got some new goodies from @tartecosmetics.
Update: I am seriously impressed with the Amazonian clay foundation it makes your skin look absolutely flawless, it stays on all day, it's oil free, and it feels amazing on. I might be in love 😍
#makeup #tartecosmetics #parkaveprincess
I heard white suburban moms just snort Starbucks coffee grounds that they bought from Target
Is this true?
DOMO!! #gogreen #michiganstate #msu #spartans Shout out to @spartyonjoe for getting me this amazing beast! #thankyou
#MSU #pizza #Spartans #gogreen
Oh fer crissakes it's a hi in a DM, not a fucking marriage proposal voodoo hex
Laundry CAN be fun, when they forget to empty their pockets. I just earned
a friendship bracelet &
a Lego Batman
All mine SUUCKAS!
I like to think I'm funny. 😆
#himym #nph #legendary
frogs are bullshit. theyre just fucked up fish. i dont believe in frogs
zookeeper: sir no ones asking you to believe just put the gun down
I may have gone on a bit of a spree. 💸 #helpme#clarisonic#mia3#mac#bobbibrown#brave#purity#philosophy#sephora#haul#vibrouge
@l_dizzle123 I regret nothing!! #foodporn#datenight#yummy#drinks#noodles#sushi#cake
WARNING: MELTDOWN IN PROGRESS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ahhhh this is seriously amazing! Thank you so much @jb_shadowninja for the dairy milk Oreo bars!! 😘😍😆
Ahhh this is seriously amazing and I think I might have enough candy to last me a life time!! Lol Thanks Matty! 🍒🍭🍬🍫 #candyjar
Green and white cocktail. Way to go Spartans!
This is seriously amazing! #thankyou #rolex #perfume
Ohhh fancy candy! #Rolex #candy #chocolate
Listen, plan on washing your face the same as you always do, even as a serial killer. Just saying.
How many more g’s do you need, Gregg? HOW MANY???
*violently shakes Gregg*
*g’s fall from his pockets*
Looking for a part-time job. Preferably on the weekends or weeknights. Technology-driven with activities including alcohol, food, and couch.
All primary colors are racist.
There, I said it.
These are seriously good. 😍
For my woman Twitter friends that don't get told it every day, you are beautiful and make me smile!
I took the forbidden fruit and made a smoothie with it.
Ok, let's do this!
*Update: this game is evil and my mouth is on fire🔥* #terrified#doritos#roulette#spicy
Guys seriously go checkout @viiviipuff she's an amazing artist and she has pretty awesome hair XD #art #amazing #artist #fucking#love#her
The only "B" word you should call a woman is beautiful. Bitches love to be called beautiful.
I just parked like such a dick I thought about keying my own car.
I silently mouth the words "what the fuck?" at least 20 times a day.
'Hey wind! Blow me'
Monday? Nah,it's always the weekend when you have no job, no goals, no motivation, no life, no home, no couch.. Where was I going with this?
The thing I like about twitter? It's simple. We all understand each other. It's a whole other world in here, fucked up and beautiful..
Because you hate yourself..
There are two types of people in this world, people who eat donuts in moderation, and me.
Just saw that Chicago is the binge-drinking Capitol of America so something new to make me proud.
Tropical ombré nails! #diy #nailedit #ombre #nailart #nails
If you're a guy & I RT you, I wanna bang you.
If you're a girl & I RT you, one of the guys I RT wants to bang you & I'm helping him.
The cop asked "where you headed?" I was like "Dude I don't even know where I'm at"
i dont swirl my wine because im sophisticated i do it because i can barely stand
Staying off twitter is harder than eating water with chopsticks.
Just put nicotine in coffee and be done with it.
Girls mature faster than guys because men don’t usually develop breasts until their mid 40’s.
Twitter is like having access to everyone's diary who does acid.
gf: havin dinner with him again?
me: no way
gf: LIAR- I hear Baywatch!
[busts open door revealing kitchen plastered in Hasslehoff posters]
Parents these days are worried about two things:
1. What their sons download.
2. What their daughters upload.
I miss you as much as I miss carbs.
...no no no, I don't think you understand how much I F'ING LOVE BREAD.
Money doesn't buy happiness, but
you can hire the best sniper to get
rid of kanye west and kim kardashian