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Alixandra
Christmas tree! #home #holiday
Kid- The floor was LAVA. I had to climb the Christmas tree to safety. Just a few ornaments broke. Are you mad? Me**pours another drink.
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Skills 1. able to watch entire seasons of a show in one day while intermittnetly massaging my own butt when it goes numb 2. Making mistakes
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Teacher: Are there any classes that you're struggling with? Me: The Bourgeois Teacher: what? Me: … Karl Marx: nice
Make a stupid comment and you'll get a stupid answer. Them's the rules cunts
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"Pay attention, 007; this might look like an ordinary suitcase but, if you push this button, a handle comes out and you can wheel it."
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*Food hits floor* Little Germs: "Let's get it!" King Germ: "No!!! We must wait 5 seconds......"
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Social networking is like a club. Twitter is the dance floor, tumblr is the bar and facebook is the people crying in the toilets.
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Twitter looks boring from the outside. But once your inside, its like freaking Narnia.......
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Only my chicken nuggets can judge me and they're about to be gone so I'm pretty worry free at the moment
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Decided to get crafty with my nails. #NailedIt (<--haha see what I did there? No? Ok, I'll just go kbai)
Haha @spartyonjoe totally used to look like Russell from Up. #ThrowBack
Bae: come over T-1000: I am programmed to kill John Connor Bae: My parents aren't home T-1000: I am programmed to kill John Connor Bae: ilu
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'Google before you tweet' is the new 'Think before you speak'
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When autocorrect changes 'haha' to 'HAHAHAHA' alright calm down I'm not that excited.
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Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
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Dear McDonald's cashier, don't give me that fucking look.. there is no age limit on a happy meal.. don't forget the toy, bitch.
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If you ask me for my number and bust out a flip phone... NOPE.
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My signature move is still looking hot while busting my ass in 4 inch heels.
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Twitter is full of sick twisted fucks. I feel so at home
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Twitter: c'mere Me: FU, I'm working Twitter: oh but you gotta see this Me: dammit, ok but just for a minute Twitter: Haha I got you sucka
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What's black and doesn't work? Decaf coffee you fucking racist
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I'll straight cut a bitch for pulling out my headphones during my jam
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Growing up I always thought that quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be.
Macy's is having a one day only sale, buy any two pair of Uggs and get a white girl free.
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Do you even play snake on your Nokia bro?
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If i had a dollar for everytime someone said i was good looking id have one dollar. Thanks mom 😳
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So this whole retweeting process is just a big pyramid scheme right? 😳
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The RT Hungry Games: Two young tweets forced to battle to the death against tweets from the other Twitter districts, winner gets trophied
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Jesus, take the wheel...Now put it in first - no, put the clutch in and - Jesus, what the fuck, you said you could drive stick
The best wine to bring to Thanksgiving dinner with your family is Hard Liquor.
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If you don't roll down the windows when Elton John's 'Tiny Dancer' is playing & scream 'HOLD ME CLOSER, TONY DANZA'-you are dead to me.
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جمع مخدة : مخدرات. I stole this tweet, I hope it’s good…because I can't read it.
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PLOT TWIST: I fought the law, and the law lost.
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I'm not focused enough to be a serial killer.
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Well, well, well, if it isn't the guy whose name I don't remember.
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I'm just a girl. Standing in front of a girl. Wondering how she got her eyeliner on so perfectly.
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Twitter is where I can say stuff that's none of my therapist's business.
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To my vegetarian followers, peas be with you.
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So windy the last 24 hrs I half expected to wake up in Munchkinland, a pair of red shoes sticking out from under my house!
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Biggest lie teenage-me every told: "You don't scare me." to my mom ... who definitely scared the bejesus out of me.
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Roses are red, They also can be found in pink, I've seen white ones, as well as yellow. I seem to have lost my train of thought ...
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If you don't have anything nice to say, you're probably on twitter. With thousands of followers.
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You say there's cookie crumbs in the bed like it's a bad thing...
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The pile of laundry that's been in the floor for months might have saved my life last night when I fell out of bed, you don't know...
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*explores the nothingness* *is never bored again*
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Sorry, I can't right now. I'm on a mission trying to find Mr. Warren G.
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Do not eat my snack cakes. You wouldn't like me when you've eaten my snack cakes.
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I haven't been in love since last fall. The fall of the Roman empire.
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I was up all night wondering If I plugged a power bank into another power bank, would I get unlimited energy?
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