Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
Create your own wall, sign in free!
Alixandra
Share this on Twitter “Just stumbled across this cool page for Alixandra”
Want to Grow Your Twitter Following, Free?
On a scale of 1 to white girl singing Don't Stop Believing at the bar naked by the end of the night, how drunk am I getting this weekend?
Retweeted by Alixandra
I haven't seen enough good subtweets about me lately.
Retweeted by Alixandra
I went running with a friend today. We hugged hello & goodbye, talked about our kids. I guess I'm really growing up, you guys!
Retweeted by Alixandra
I was drawn by her personality Now I want to sculpture her body
Retweeted by Alixandra
Proven: Red wine is good for the memory *Scratch off the to-do list To-Do: Prove vodka increases productivity at workplace
Retweeted by Alixandra
you guys better not be inhaling.
Retweeted by Alixandra
If I ever got rid of my OCD I'd be like OD-C-YA LATER and then everybody would clap and shower with love and expensive German Biscuits.
Retweeted by Alixandra
I'm white but not "have the Starbucks barista remake my Skinny Peppermint Mocha cuz it tastes wrong" white. Ok. I am. And he's pissed.
Retweeted by Alixandra
This was a nice little surprise to come home to. Lol Thank you to the wonderful people at @sephora #ChallengeAccepted #FormulaX
Maybe She just wants another notch on Her belt, you don't know.
Retweeted by Alixandra
Cute Customer: You have a nice smile. Me: Oh, haha thanksDO YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT? YOU CAN TOUCH MY BOOBIES. I'm writing this from HR.
Retweeted by Alixandra
Dad: Close the window! Are you trying to cool the whole neighborhood? Son: *lights cigarette* Yeah *entire neighborhood lights cigarettes*
Retweeted by Alixandra
Reasons why I'm single: 1. I can't date food 2. I can't date myself 3. I can't date the Internet
Retweeted by Alixandra
Soooo, you wanted cookies right? 😆 #basic
Not sure if I should stay on twitter and watch the walking dead or log off and watch The Walking Dead on TV.
Retweeted by Alixandra
No smartphones for my kids. They need to suffer years of fleeting, awkward eye contact with strangers like I did.
Retweeted by Alixandra
Me: I would do ANYTHING for YOU! You: Will you hold this spider? Me: Nope, sorry. Fuck you!
Retweeted by Alixandra
We can't be facebook friends if I'm banging your bitch, bro
Retweeted by Alixandra
Relationship Status - Wearing a Batman robe and eating Cheetos while playing Call of Duty.
Retweeted by Alixandra
From Fridays game. #GetWellGordie
Bitch I watch CSI, NCIS, Criminal Minds, and Bones I can make your death look like and accident.
Retweeted by Alixandra
I love sunglasses, am I looking at that tree? Am I staring at your dick? Who knows!
Send me 400 rose icons overnight so I know it's real.
Retweeted by Alixandra
I'm ready to go to Twitter jail now..... *holds hands out and slow winks all night long*
Retweeted by Alixandra
*hands cashier $50 bill Cashier: "Out of $50?" Me: No, dick breath! Out of $5,000! I HOPE YOU DIE! I overreacted, sorry. Yes, out of $50.
Retweeted by Alixandra
Fun twitter question: How do you sleep at night?
Retweeted by Alixandra
Oh my God, you're on twitter too? We have so much in common!
Retweeted by Alixandra
You think you're pretty special with your witty tweets and hot Avi don't you? Damn right you are.
Retweeted by Alixandra
All I want is coffee. And donuts. And more coffee. And to not punch anyone today. Unless it's for their coffee or donuts.
Retweeted by Alixandra
I only asked you about your day because I assumed you would say "good"
Retweeted by Alixandra
I had avocado & roasted zucchini for lunch & feel unmoored, Paltrow-ish, & that I might be the hateful subject in a Vanity Fair profile.
Retweeted by Alixandra
will leisurely stroll through a dimly lit park at 2am, but run past my closet in the middle of the day in case a killer is in there hiding.
Retweeted by Alixandra
attention all cyclists using the sidewalk: i will *never* move out of your way.
Retweeted by Alixandra
until i can be assured that you're not a serial killer, you will be treated as one. - my first date philosophy
Retweeted by Alixandra
i hate it when people come up to me and introduce themselves at a party and i have to be all 'i'm just here for the dip.'
Retweeted by Alixandra
i don't believe in divorce. i do, however, believe in boating accidents.
Retweeted by Alixandra
another day, another victorious imaginary argument in the shower.
Retweeted by Alixandra
What's the proper way to thank your ride or die bitch for being on point? A bottle of champagne? A Favstar Pro membership?
Retweeted by Alixandra
I just saw a kid dressed as a ninja. I hope he's trick or treating or my town is fucked.
Retweeted by Alixandra
It's like my Nana used to say, "if you already know you're in trouble, might as well fuck it up beyond all recognition."
Retweeted by Alixandra
If I ever saw someone dressed up as a sexy Joe Biden at a Halloween party I'd be like omg I'm at a party.
Retweeted by Alixandra
The worst part about the cell phone age: No more dramatic synchronization of wristwatches.
*knocks on door Karen?.... Hello? Karen? What the hell of you guys done with Karen?!?
Retweeted by Alixandra
*Lures Loki into her bedroom with the promise of him ruling Asgard* *Convinces him snuggling will make him King* *Wears his helmet to bed*
Retweeted by Alixandra
I fully respect that you're a little bit slutty
Retweeted by Alixandra
HIM: ..is typing.... ..is typing.... ..is typing.... ..is typing.... ..is typing... ..is typing... "k" ARE YOU FKN KIDDING ME
Retweeted by Alixandra
Using a cellphone in 90's: "he's prob a drug dealer" Using a payphone today: "he's prob a drug dealer"
Retweeted by Alixandra
Have YOU been drafted for the skeleton war yet? SOON we can defeat the fuckboys
Retweeted by Alixandra
It's okay to pump gas in your pajama pants if they're really cute pajama pants.
Retweeted by Alixandra