i hate it when kids are assholes you can't even punch them or anything cause they're like 9 and they know..ugh those smug little shits
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I'm home alone and my power goes out.
ha that's how I am.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
True love is when you buy the hard copy of an album even though you’ve already illegally downloaded it.♥
I hate when people text me hours later, trying to continue the conversation. Bitch, the feeling is gone.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I'm alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly "You can see me?"
The guy in front of me at target is buying condoms and got his card declined. He just got cock blocked by visa..
So hyper so im tweeting randoms again.... hahaha your welcome!!!
Everyone’s middle name should be, motherfuckin ...try it doesnt it sound so great
Saw some footage of polar bears drinking water today, It's obviously fake, Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
My life is a romantic comedy♡...minus the romance and it's really just me laughing at my own jokes
Dont ever text me with a boring ass conversation....Wasting my unlimited texting and shit
I don't have exes, I have Y's. As in, 'Y did I ever date you?'
Is "ugh" an emotion? Because I feel it all the time
My voice is all soft when I talk to strangers but when I’m with friends I turn into Morgan Freeman.
Square Box. Round Pizza. Triangle Slices. I'm confused.
Shout out to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive♡
When i was a kid... "I'm gonna tell your mom." Was the scariest sentence ever
Some guy just asked me out... bro its mothers day..how rude... so should I go?? ;) hahaha jk
Sometimes when I say "It's okay", I really mean "Go fuck yourself"
I prefer not to think before I speak, I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
Whenever someone says, "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes."
I love that super cute thing you do where you don't text me back for hours, adorable
Excuse my current tweets. When im bored or hyper, I become highly sarcastic and humorous
I hate when people "Like" their own status. It's like texting yourself to tell yourself you are awesome.. oh shit I do that .. AWESOME
My ex? Yea I'd hit that... with a car.
I don't hate you, it's just, if you were on fire... I would roast marshmallows.
Who needs a boyfriend when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
's tweets right now > 😂😂😂
Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive. "Look at this bitch, eating those fucking crackers like she owns the place!"
I don't make typos...I make new words
I laugh at my own texts before I send them because I'm that damn funny
I hate it when I have to be nice to someone who I really wanna throw a brick at
If i text you after "k" yo ass better feel special
Hey, remember that person you thought you couldn't live without? Well, look at you, living and shit
When you really want to slap someone, DO IT! ..........and say mosquito!
I feel so badass.. I'm so taylor swift right now sippin a coke putting coverygirl makeup on
If your boner is mistaken for anything but a penis you might as well give up
Hey haters♡ By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you blocked and deleted. You may now kiss my ass.
"You're it!" "Screw you, I'm not playing anymore." (.__.)
Sometimes when I'm bored I lay on my kitchen floor and pretend I'm a crumb
✔ keeping to myself ✔ staying blessed ✔ not giving a fuck ✔ Ignoring negativity ✔ living my life
She wears short skirts, I eat pizza... she's cheer captain and I'm still eating pizza