Every time I look in the mirror I get the sudden need to cut my hair without it getting shorter. Does anyone else experience this dilemma?
Caught myself singing "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" which means I'm officially in Christmas mode.
Not making a rude or sarcastic comment goes on my greatest accomplishments list.
Me-"I love Audrey Hepburn." Her- "I know everything about Aubrey Hepburn. I'm her biggest fan."
My biggest pet peeve is when people pretend to be experts on things they have no knowledge on. Example. This girl I met on the train.
I've had a queen bed in my tiny room since I moved in and I just switched it out for a twin and suddenly all my anxieties are gone.
It's that time of the year when tourists need shock collars when they walk to keep the rest of us from being late.
Jesus: “It is written.”
Satan: “Is it written?”
Know the difference.
How I feel when I'm trying to sleep and @marmolee
starts talking to me after I stayed up to pick her up at 4:15 in the morning.
Me "My sneezes are better than Mom's"
"She's gotten better. She doesn't sneeze anymore."
Confused, I ask if he's okay. "Sorry. I'm okay. I got distracted. Did you know your hair is growing?" I hate humidity. (4/4)
I'm stoked as I've never had an intellectual conversation about this era of philosophy. Suddenly, he stops talking and stares at me. (3/4)
We discuss the possibility of Socrates suffering from mental illness and Plato's role in Aristotle concluding there is one god.(2/4)
Want to know how disgusting the weather is? Today I met someone well versed in Ancient Greek philosophy. (1/4)
There are about 600 people in line to meet Miley Cyrus right now and I'm shocked because I didn't know she still had fans.
On Saturday, I walked out of the room for five minutes and Madonna walked in. My staff is just now telling me. I think I hate them.
YALL!! Yasmin was ordering a pizza over the phone, and she said
"I would like to order a pizza, half cheese, half pizza"😂😂😂😂
I've been awake since 4:45 Thursday so you can imagine the stress that just came upon when I realized I have to wash my hair tonight.
I am so much funnier than you people not liking my tweets give me credit for.
I'm going 30 days raw until 4 and in case you were wondering how I'm doing sans coffee I just stopped to take a nap at a friends house.
Pro tip: Assert your dominance by giving enemies terrible nicknames
Can anyone explain to me why the weather is cool enough for me to be wearing a jacket in June???
This man just sneezed so loud on the train that I thought it was crashing and now I know how everyone else feels every time I sneeze.
Dear world. You should be friends with @kye_clare
. That is all.
Forever conflicted by my need to be in the sun at all times and my need to protect my skin at all costs.
It's 75 degrees and I've seen three unrelated people wearing Uggs. Am I missing something?
"I just don't know what the world is going to do when people realize that most languages are gender specific." @JSandwick
People walking slow made me miss my train. I called them "Gentiles" not so under my breath. This is how I know I'm a terrible person.
I always think I'm doing well at 'adulting' until a thunderstorm comes along and I'm hiding under a blanket with the TV as loud as it gets.
I feel most accomplished when I get my 10,000 daily steps in heels. #lifeinthecity
A group started singing Sweet Caroline in the subway and 80% of people joined in and I never knew how happy spontaneous song could make me.
Frequently puzzled as to how I ever survived in life sans coffee.
Please don't wear yoga pants and Nikes if you're not willing to walk down a one person escalator when a train is coming. #lifeinthecity
Anyone up for eating watermelon and watching Tinkerbell with me? Note: I will not share my watermelon and I will probably eat yours too.
Drinking kale, surrounded by people dressed athleisurely. I hate how much I love this life. #lifeinthecity #nycthoughts
NYC thoughts: This city is gross. Shower 3 times a day. Showering too much dries out skin. Dry skin leads to wrinkles. Life is hard guys.
There are a total of four people in the train car I'm currently in. Why does this guy think it's okay to sit next to me? #socialskills
Me convincing people to try my sugar free, grain free, dairy free, soy free baking- "It's not like a regular cupcake. It's a cool cupcake."
I am officially on the plane so this concludes my day of overpopulating your twitter feed and being ridiculously over dramatic... Maybe.
Southwest "Head to the gate for immediate boarding."
Me "I've been waiting for two and a half hours. I'm not waiting in that line."
Seriously considering renting an apartment in Orlando so I don't have to wait for this flight any longer.
Confession: I judge people by what they are wearing and no one in this entire terminal is dressed like someone I want to talk to.
The only reason I haven't left is because I refuse to take my shoes off again and becoming a TSA member isn't immediate. Yes. I did check.
Me sitting with tons of open space on a bench to myself with a skylight, "I feel claustrophobic."
I don't understand how people see delayed flights as a minor inconvenience because I actually feel like the world is ending.
Me for the next two hours.
"Check your carry on" they said. "It's free" they said. "Your plane is delayed two hours and you have no cell charger or laptop" they said.
The one time in my life I've ever been early for a flight and it gets delayed two hours. I am literally bored to tears. Literally.
"I have to go to bed so I can beat Ryley up." @HopeFulton2 #thingsmomssay
Forever convincing myself I can get ready in ten minutes. Forever wrong.