The NSA is getting very sloppy. I actually heard someone hang up on the other end.
Actually it was neither. Mr. Carlton had locked himself in the freezer.
It was a cold, dark winter afternoon. RT @adamvoorhees
: write your next book one tweet at a time...
Haven't been tweeting for a while. Realized when I use my keyboard I need to actually make a living.
For sale: Great seats to the Dodgers World Series.
It has been tweeted to me that The Onion did that last joke. Okay. I came up with the name onion 30 years ago.
Washington Redskins to change their name to D.C. Redskins.
Men's room at Trumps place? RT @SteveMartinToGo
: Mars Curiosity Rover? RT @kevin_nealon
: Any guesses? pic.twitter.com/DgR84q3Ylo
It was a good feeling to have a person and not a bear take my parking pass at the Grand Canyon this morning.
They reported today that Oreos are more addictive than cocaine. They certainly hurt more going up your nose.
"I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today!"-- Senator Wimpy.
I wonder how many people in Congress are getting rich by shorting the stock market.
A Fox T.V. executive's prayer: Dear God, please don't let the World Series be between Detroit and St. Louis.
Trying to come up with new slogans for America. How about "Screw with us and we won't pay you."
Just watched Gravity on an Iphone. Not that impressed,
It's so below me RT @russ_gruelle
: I'm still glad you don't RT reader's praise!
I'm sorry RT @leanimal99
: Most interesting book I ever read: 2030 by @AlbertBrooks
I'm sorry RT @megavents
: just read your book 2030. How surreal to read it during current crises.This book may have changed my life.
St. Louis game plan: Throw a fast ball and break the ribs of the Dodgers best player. Thanks Kelly.
We're all so thrilled just because the government is talking to each other. Pitiful. Do your job.
:The Government Shutdown reminds me of your novel 2030. Surprised no one mentioned the novel so far in the media.
Today's Dallas-Denver game is why football was invented.
Disappointed that Sir Isaac Newton didn't even have one scene in GRAVITY.
Since every pitcher has surgery named after him, put Tommy John in the damn Hall of Fame.
: Speaker Boehner is a good man who has a tough job. I hope he'll do what he knows is right.
Sinead O'Connor criticizing Miley Cyrus is like Sinead O'Connor criticizing Miley Cyrus.
Come on America. Cut this out and resume your massive borrowing.
If a Tesla ran into a Dreamliner it would be a horrible day.
If I ran my house like Boehner runs his I'd be thrown out.
Things must be getting bad. Two presidents were taken down today from Mt. Rushmore.
I don't want to say the health exchanges are confusing, but I think I just booked a room at the Sheraton.
If this is a contest of who blinks first in Congress, with so much Botox it might be no one.
Amidst all the bad jokes from the last tweet,this is the group. They do phenomenal work. Donate! ow.ly/pkbjS
Theoretically Coke Zero should have nothing in the can.
Breaking News: Anticipating government shutdown Obama called Rouhani collect.
If Congress had their pay and healthcare withheld during a shutdown we wouldn't be talking about this.
Thinking of calling @kanyewest
an A-Hole just to increase my Twitter profile.
John Boehner just found out this morning that Romney didn't win.
Ted Cruz to filibuster until he actually needs Obamacare.
Hey Audi-Fire your ad agency.
I'm going to have dinner now. Tell me who else dies.
I love Don Cheadle but that segment looked like television died.
When I die just show clips of me and shut the f up.
: Mr. Brooks you are the best and most talented person ever, can I get a follow back?
What happened to the good old days where they just played a sad song and showed the picture of the dead guy?
Mailed my last letter and gotten the free cheese. Now prepared for government shutdown.
I sure have to agree with Jack Klugman's son on this one. ow.ly/p5xqI
My God, I'm in Whole Foods and there are long lines to buy apples there, too.