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Albert Brooks
film movies author 549,667 followers
We decided not to invite CNN to our Easter egg hunt.
R.I.P Jesse Winchester. If you watch this and you're not moved you're dead.
Amazon offering employees 5k to quit. I got hired this morning and quit at noon. This is a good deal.
If you like your health secretary you can keep her.
As April 15th draws near I am planning a conscious uncoupling with my money.
I'm suggesting a new warning on sailboats: Children under one will not be saved by the National Guard.
Henry Ford died on this date in 1947. And yet, no one thought to call the Auto Club.
Good news that Turkey has allowed Twitter back in the country. Turks need to know what the Kardashians think about stuff.
NASA cuts ties with Russia. Gee, shouldn't we get those guys home first?
David Letterman announces that he will retire next year. CBS frantically looking for someone named Jimmy.
When the Koch Brothers are thrilled about a Supreme Court ruling you know it must be good.
CNN to do missing plane coverage 24/7 for the next ten years. April Fools! Not really.
Art Tatum. The greatest jazz pianist that ever lived, who happened to be blind.
N. and S. Korea are trading fire at this moment. I go to CNN. Some guy is talking about the battery in the black box. STOP IT.
Imagine if whales drank bottled water and put the empties in Yosemite.
My God there's a lot of our shit in the ocean.
Even the earthquakes in L.A. are shallow.
Just got back from seeing Noah. Sat next to a giraffe.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to pee at some point during Noah.
Can you imagine if CNN was on the air when Titanic sank.
Always enjoyed watching James. R.I.P.
I'd like to be there when Fred Phelps finds out all the angels are men.
Coming up next hour, CNN will have a psychic who will try and communicate with Amelia Earhart.
Pope nixes meeting with Russell Crowe. Hated Robin Hood.