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Alan Carr
I don't want to spoil #throughthekeyhole for you but can I just say Kate Middleton was such a good sport and so accommodating
These teens have so much confidence - when I was that age I would have come on holding a dinner lady's hand mumbling, stinking of clearasil
Bizarrely I jammed my bingo wing when I was closing the dishwasher door and my bruise has turned the colour of grotbags. All very strange
Can bingo wings go septic? I'm asking for a friend
You know I said that the men who operate the conveyor on @SingerTakesAll are off their face on painkillers & haribo..
I'm on the Through The Keyhole PANEL - I wouldn't even let Keith Lemon know my postcode let alone my address - he's a proper nutter!! Ha!
Yes @LeighFrancis got his way and I am on Through The Keyhole 30th August Saturday Night 9.25pm ITV
And I look quite slim - thanks kimmy! X RT @kimmys4hearts: @AlanCarr was fantastic at V fest Sunday!
Right I'm off to bed - goodnight everyone! Xxx
I'm in!! RT @samten96: @AlanCarr double the bag and use it as a piss pot on a night out..
Having a lovely time @edfringe some wonderful audiences. Just one week left. Tickets here:… Pls RT!
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Why not stick a handle on the card vase and have your own portable pint pot? *jumps in taxi shouting 'take me to the dragons den studio'*
@AlanCarr me too😜nice to know you are chilling Alan would you please RT my walk for cancer
Retweeted by Alan Carr
Eff you dragons - I love the card vase!!
Wow! "@OffTheKerb: The crowds watching @AlanCarr on the screens outside as the comedy tent is full @vfestival"
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Shit! I've been rumbled! Ha! RT @monkeypiro: @AlanCarr r u calling the bus driver your tour manager??😜
And before you start, my tour manager is not tweeting & driving either - he's struggling enough holding that bong between his knees. ;)
My tour manager is driving. Of course I wouldn't tweet and drive but thanks for thinking the worst twitter. you spread that love. X
@AlanCarr no it's confirmed JT is headlining as manager for Jackfield Tile Museum as Steve phoned in sick
Retweeted by Alan Carr
I'm assuming JT is heading to #vfestival and not the Jackfield Tile Museum
Justin Timberlake has just passed me on the M54 interchange to Telford - now that's something you don't tweet everyday
What an absolutely wonderful crowd today at #vfestival #stafford had the best weekend thank you xx
Yeah there was just a pair of glasses left, resting on some bingo wings
Ha! X RT @kec1964: .@AlanCarr so excited to be at @vfestival yesterday he spontaneously combusted
So far today have seen Alan Carr with Chris Evans, and Ricky Butcher #CelebSpotting #Backstage #Vfest
Retweeted by Alan Carr
I've lost too many friends to calippos