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Alan Carr
Yes I know, it's got stamp written all over it
3h
This artwork has just arrived at @AlanCarr - love it! But no letter - who are Pegasus!? instagram.com/p/uimHWrthKp/
3h
Look just vote for me at the nationaltvawards.com and I'll kiss whatever body part you want!! Jeez you are SO demanding!! X
3h
Spoilsport 😉RT@yarner999:@AlanCarrr come hear then *kels puckers up* "no tongues though"
3h
Look, I'll kiss you all on the cock if you vote for me at the #NTAs!!!! ......oh wait there.......
3h
Thank you too all the people who voted for me at the NTA's - I want to kiss you all!!! Xx
3h
Someone replaced my dog with Scrappy Doo overnight
8h
Dogs stopped and done a shit on the zebra crossing then nicked a child's biscuit and the angry parent told ME off - I'm going back to bed.
8h
I'm even in bits at the happy stories on #pogdogs #gizmo #freddie
When I worked at Tesco on the one basket only checkout Tesco was Britain's favourite supermarket in the UK - now, not so. Coincidence?
Off to do a photoshoot for my upcoming tour poster - excited? Hell yeah!
Saw Book Of Mormon tonight - sooo near the knuckle - loved it!
My previous tweet re: potato gratin - yes I know it was Chloe Jasmine and NOT Oscar Wilde - I foolishly assumed Twitter would be clever.....
'Some people can bring salmon, others can bring Potato Gratin' - Oscar Wilde
I love Ben 😘😘😘�@M0nkeyb0yBakerak@AlanCarrC@RugbyBenCohenohen And let's face it, if Ben Cohen loves you who cares about anything else!
EVERYONE IM NOT BEING HOMOPHONIC, I LOVE THE GAYS SPECIES I WAS JUST HAVING BANTZ WITH @AlanCarr SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO A FEND ANYONE!!
Retweeted by Alan Carr
@AlanCarr @tomtimmy123456 more evidence of correlation between spelling ability and homophobic cuntiness
Retweeted by Alan Carr
I never block on twitter- I like to know what these people are up to so I can cross the street when they come down it.
At least get the spelling right you twat! RT @tomtimmy123456: @AlanCarr Get ebowla you annoying homo
And yet you FOLLOW me!!! Jeez! RT @tomtimmy123456: @AlanCarr You're the single most annoying fag in the world
I've photoshopped what some celebrities would look like based on their worst fan art. pic.twitter.com/cYdczcLrDB
Retweeted by Alan Carr
Walking past it and it's twigs just grabbed my arms almost like it was saying 'everythings going to be alright'
A trees just grabbed me
I just had my chest waxed.. I couldn't resist shouting Wowcha!
Retweeted by Alan Carr
Just had a chat with @AlanCarr. He's dressed as a tiger, fresh from a kids' party and can neck a glass of wine like an animal. Fair play.
Retweeted by Alan Carr
To donate £5 or £10 txt FIVE or TEN to 70404 +1 std txt T&Cs bit.ly/Wx7U3C. For no fundraising calls add NOINFO after donation
Retweeted by Alan Carr
What a view! Taken today from the roof of the Methodist Hall - clouds look trippy tho pic.twitter.com/299JVRZl00
BOOM Sat night sold out , @AlanCarr @olympiatheatre running out of good avails for 4th , 5th,7th pic.twitter.com/q2GOCVtM6K
Retweeted by Alan Carr
Oh joy the other half is trying out new ringtones for his phone whilst I'm watching The Apprentice - that's not annoying
Hmm! The 'just in time for Halloween' tweets about my face mask are rude just rude!!! ;) x
Well, if the worst happens at least I'll have a simply gorgeous death mask. #workingitevenwhendead
Having a plaster cast made of my face - to make me relax they've made the room look like something off of Dexter twitpic.com/ecs839
I chose the red 'nice buns' boxers as they got the most votes. The other too went to dead-lock