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Alan Felyk
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If you have armhair curtains I'm gonna have to say no.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
1h
A room with an outlet for my charger is always preferable to a room with a view.
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1h
Listen to your gut. Unless it's telling you to Super Size your meal.
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1h
Let me rub my face on the wart on your back, so I know it's real.
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1h
My biggest regret is that I wish I had Twitter when I was with my ex so I could have neglected him more often.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
1h
Serial killers probably pick women like a magician picks an assistant from a crowd: the one that looks like she’s ready to be sawed in half.
5h
Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn't stop coloring till 2 o'clock this morning.
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Current status: No less than 90% denial
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I could really fix this world if I could create characters in real life like I can in fiction. #amwriting bit.ly/1FaYxdJ
Women have described me as hot, but only when temperatures have hit 100 degrees.
“Subtweeting” sounds so gentle. Just call it for what it is: “Fuck off and you know who you are.”
It’s easy to get a woman into your bed. Find one that’s hitchhiking, and let her climb into the back of your pickup truck.
.@drmani Thanks so much for the kind words.
2 nice books I read recently. #1: 'Damaged Right Out of the Box' by @AlanFelyk - amazon.com/exec/obidos/IS…
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Are my ideas better when I look up and to the left or up and to the right?
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I’m living proof that anybody can do it. Especially if “it” remains largely undefined. #amwriting
If Buffalo can survive 84 inches of snow, I can survive 2 inches of dust on my furniture.
I am literally driving in serial killer country. Where there is no place to pee.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Just wondering about the reason that ships are referred to as females. Is it because the captain is expected to go down on her?
One question about the afterlife: Is there going to be a lot of stairs?
All this darkness and cold makes me want to hunt wild cattle, slay them and eat it all by a raging fire in the woods. Basically insane.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Don't you just hate it when someone expects you to have a plan? on.fb.me/1xKRaFM
A fiction writer never has to ask “can I quote you on that?” #amwriting
This tweet would sound far more soothing if Morgan Freeman read it aloud. #TBTTweet
Let’s reveal the winners . . . Whenever I hear that phrase, I always hope it’s a wet T-shirt contest. #TBTTweet
I don’t lie… unless it’s to children
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
The fact that I just spent 2 minutes looking for keys that were in my hand tells u all u need to know about me...
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I bought my daughter a new shoe rack, so naturally, all her shoes are still in the floor beside it.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Someone told me my tweets have become “trashy.” Thanks for the upgrade. Can you do the same for the U.S. credit rating? #TBTTweet
There was a heated political debate at dinner tonight and I was like, Should I add some mistletoe to my header for the holidays or no?
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
*Throws drink in bartenders face.* WHY DIDN'T YOU CARD ME?!
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Paul Tomenko doesn't need or want a temptress in his life. But sometimes you have to open the front door. on.fb.me/1uL8qMb
The voices in my head finally agree on something. Now if I could just get them to tell me what it is.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk