severe attitude warnings possibly all the day, scattered sarcasm showers, nd a strong chance of annoyance later in the day
I accidentally bumped into my ex today...
With my car...at 60mph...on purpose.
"Username or Password incorrect."
TELL ME WHICH ONE , YOU SON OF A BITCH !
I said I'd be there in 5 minutes. Quit calling me every half hour.
Whenever you're feeling down, remember; you're the sperm that won.
When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P'
Anytime a bird takes a crap on my car, I eat an entire plate of scrambled eggs on my porch. Just to show the birds what I'm capable of.
for girls :
Life is not a garden, don't be a hoe.
Tweet to you with the hashtag #ForTheHTCOneIWill
and bring my amazing ideas by completing the sentence for a HTC ONE !
Me: I'm gonna lose weight.
Me: I'm gonna exercise every day.
Me: I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it.
Me: Is that cake?
PLEASE SOMEONE CALL 911
VIRAT IS ON FIRE.... !
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such man. #MyShaadiDotComPartner
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. Me? I use coupons to get pizza...
I know we had problems when I was younger, but now I love you.
u can't do this to me ... :( fb.me/1J0njwvyW
Strangers → Friends → Close Friends →
↓ ← ← ← ← ← ← ← ← ← ← ← ← ← ╝
Crush → Relationship → Heartbroken → Strangers
Dear sleep, I know we had problems when I was younger, but now I love you.
has reached 1,000 followers! See more stats at twtr.to/javi
When ever I get a headache I take two tablet of aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants? :D
There's always a light at the end of a tunnel. Just pray it isn't a train!
All The Desirable Things In Life Are Either Illegal, Expensive Or Married :
I hate when people dont watch where Im going when Im walking and texting.
: Trust me, when I woke up today I had no plans to be awesome, but shit happens
*Unknown number calls me*
Anonymous: I will kill everyone you love...
Me: I love you.
Men use love to get sex.
Women use sex to get love.
I use coupons to get pizza...
Trust me, when I woke up today I had no plans to be awesome, but shit happens.
Be careful who you tell a secret, some peoples' way of keeping secrets is posting them on twitter.
If you smoke while you're pregnant your baby comes out wearing a t-shirt and jeans looking cool as hell
How Do Boys Propose??
Kneeling Down And Propose With A Ring In Hand..
How Do Girls Propose??
I Am Pregnant... :D
I ONLY MISS YOU WHEN I AM BREATHING !
WORK ONLINE ! EARN MONEY ONLINE !
I'm working differently on @Elance
BOOKS ARE THE BEST SEDATIVES !
I HAVE EVER KNOWN !
looking COOL was never been this easy ! it about t-shirts !
Check out my new product at @cafepress
sometimes people are nothing,
you make them something
when they become something,
they feel that you are nothing.
nobody cares unless you are
pretty or dead !
when i'll be RICH !!
i'll make you my BITCH !!