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Alan Barns
Why do shops have signs, 'guide dogs only' if the dogs can't read and their owners are blind?
SLOT MACHINES : When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
If you want to know what they are up to, you can ask the Tarot. Visit me at vanessabarnstarot.com
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The first girl I proposed to said, "I love the simple things in life but I don't want to marry one of them"
I finally convinced my wife that it would be good if she learnt to text. Her first text message to me read, whereisthespacebarthingy
Tried to log in to my I Pad. Turns out it was an Etch A Sketch and I don't even own an IPad. Also, I'm out of wine.
If you want to know what some ones up to or is going to do next, then visit me at vanessabarnstarot.com
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I know exactly what I want to do....I just haven't figured it out yet
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DORMITORY : When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
I finally got my head together but now my body is falling apart. (Have I said that before?)
I finally got my head together and I'm no longer absent minded, but now my body is falling apart.
People say you should take life a day at a time. But at the end, I would like to be overdrawn
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It's funny but I never used to be absent minded.
“Though we seem to be sleeping, there is an inner wakefulness that directs the dream.” #Quotes wp.me/P2SjF3-4
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If all is not lost, where the *~"?~?# is it?
I find that nowadays I am thinking a lot about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm hereafter.
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
THE MORSE CODE : When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
@ABodger One of my favourites: "Princess Diana" -> "End is a car spin"
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If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast and cheap.
Overweight sort of snacks up on you.
Why can we remember the tiniest detail that has happened to us, and not remember how many times we have told it to the same person.
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THE EYES : When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE
ASTRONOMER : When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER
ELEVEN PLUS TWO : When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE
Apparently, “old and wise” are not available separately. But you can be grumpy without being old
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Man asked God: Give me everything to enjoy life". God replied: "I gave you life to enjoy everything.""
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PRESBYTERIAN : When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
It's not the memory blanks that trouble me. It's whether I can trust the things that I remember
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DESPERATION : When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
I never say anything too seriously. Otherwise people will think I meant it
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You can get a pair of shoes for a couple of Pounds at a Bowling Alley.
If anyone can explain how on earth he manages to do this I would be very interested to know.   Weird.  buff.ly/1WfZwD7
In the case of fire, leave the building before tweeting about it.
These days, half the items in my shopping bag say "For fast relief".
I’ve waited all my life for this day. Same again tomorrow.
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The cashier told me "Strip down, facing me." How was I to know she meant my debit card?
Music is that friend you always want to go drinking with
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You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
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I am too old to remember.....How young I used to be.
Style is a simple way of saying complicated things
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