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Alan Barns
humour 27,762 followers
Dawn is nature’s way of telling you to go to bed.
Constipated people don’t give a crap.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Come to the dark side – we have cookies.
Seem to be more & more "sale pitches". Does that worry you?
If you don't have the strength to continue, I suggest you keep going until you do
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The trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more. -Erica Jong
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Shame on @BBCNews for playing it's part in the ongoing genocide in Gaza pic.twitter.com/hIbYDj0idz
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Choose a job you like and you will never have to work a day in your life. — Confucius
Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. — Robert Frost
Biology grows on you.
Beyond each corner new directions lie in wait. — Stanislaw Lec
"If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where I can return Mondays."
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Sometimes I can seem wise. I just think of something stupid and say the opposite
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Questions are just an excuse for not knowing something
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From 2008ish... Slightly Used "Daddy's Home" Comic. "Daddy's Home" archives: facebook.com/pages/Daddys-H… … … … … … pic.twitter.com/Sz8Hnraply
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"Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important." - Carl Reiner
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Don't raise your voice; improve your argument. ~ Desmond Tutu #quote
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Bald guys never have a bad hair day.
Atheists can do whatever the hell they want.
@ABodger Give thanks. Each day holds a unique blessing, you sometimes just need to find it. ty for the follow!! :)
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Yesterday, I promised myself a better tomorrow. Rather cleverly, I was not precise about the date
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Hello, thank you and goodnight to all my new followers. Be safe..
Between two evils always pick the one you haven’t tried. — Mae West
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
Thanks to all my new followers.
Better late than really late.
Socrates: He who has learned to see the beautiful in due order and succession will perceive the true nature of wondrous beauty (Syposium)
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Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without. — Confucius
Trying out PowerPost at mf.tt/N9lrb
Welcome & thanks to the 170+ new followers today. Take care, Alan.
Archaeologist: Someone whose career lies in ruins.
I know that the easiest way to feel better is to smile. - HAPPINESS affirmations bit.ly/xyJcw
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Children in war zone - puts our tiny problems into perspective - m.youtube.com/watch?v=mR1LGo…
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A person who doesn't lose his wits over certain things has no wits to lose. ~ G.F. Lessing #quote
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My followers are in USA(42%), UK.(13%)... Get your map too: tweepsmap.com/!ABodger pic.twitter.com/LYlawFur47
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
Any fool can know. The point is to understand. — Albert Einstein
Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
An economist is someone who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
Am I ranting? I hope so. My ranting gets raves.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. — Oscar Wilde
A lot of people mistake a short memory with a clear conscience. — Doug Larson