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Alan Barns

A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
A dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Are you looking for a Tarot reading of your year ahead in 2017? Visit me here at
Retweeted by Alan Barns
I know I'm getting old... the other day I walked past a cemetery and two guys attacked me with shovels.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scared everyone in the car I was driving.
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
A little someone who's not Christmas or New Year related, but just HAPPY, Share a little bit of joy #Tarot…
Retweeted by Alan Barns
Have a great time & thank you for a wonderful year :)
Retweeted by Alan Barns
Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar.
Thanks for all your good wishes.
Belated New Year Greetings owing to account problem. keep safe & well in 2017.
There's nothing like the joy on that kid's face when he saw the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas.
My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
Thanks for good wishes. Back home behind the barricades.
SORRY. Spell in hospital. Hope normal service soon
To order a full year Tarot Reading for 2017 for yourself or as a gift for another, visit me at……
Retweeted by Alan Barns
An open door can also mean they are asking you to leave
Retweeted by Alan Barns
I can totally keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't.
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
Never argue with a woman when she's tired...or when she's rested.
Nowadays, most of the children dream about an IPhone, when I was a child – I wanted a dog.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
Knock Knock. Who's there? Opportunity. Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice!
To understand what recursion is, you must first understand recursion.
My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots.
My neighbours are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not.
Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?
How can you tell that you're getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
So what if I can't spell 'armaggedon'?, it's not like it's the end of the world. .
Arriving at our local bank today a clown opened the door for me, I thought, that's a nice jester.
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