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Fifty Sheds of Grey
humour london 110,334 followers
just discovered @GrahamThrones and its made my life so much better
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She dropped her skirt, pulled down her panties and slowly lowered herself onto my lap. I really must get a new light bulb for this toilet.
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She gripped the end and tugged gently. Then harder. 'Why isn't anything happening?' she asked. 'It only works on the third flush' I replied.
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The high-born and well-to-do sat at the top table while the peasants fought for their chicken bones. Nando's really does cater for everyone.
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After hours of blood-curdling screams and groans he emerged breathless and said 'I wouldn’t go in there for a few minutes if I were you . .'
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I stared in horror - it was a dark, evil green colour with big scales. I hadn't been in a bathroom like this since 1973.
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I screamed in agony as the heat stung my naked flesh, 'How many times have I told you not to flush the toilet when I’m in the shower?'
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I was horrified that one woman's decision could lead to such an appalling violent clash . . A coral toilet with an avocado handbasin?
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If you have any problems that need solving, all you have to do is ask my husband. And he'll ask Louis Van Gaal.
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Thank you @BookeditorJane and @all_that_magic. Maybe you'd care to join me for Three in a Shed . . ? pic.twitter.com/mf2gpqqdfV
When dieting, it's best to eat little and often - so make sure you've always got a family pack of fun-sized Mars bars.
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Diet Fact: A 90 minute game of football can burn up to 200 calories. Even more if you stand up to watch it.
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Science fact: When you eat a kebab, you actually burn more calories than you consume.
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People who push the envelope don't know how to open one.
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Sexual equality will only be achieved when a male pop star marries a female footballer.
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Space is visible from the Great Wall of China.
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Chickens only use 2% of their brains. KFC use the other 98%.
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The fastest orgasm ever recorded was in the gents in Kings Cross station when Mr Colin Grey attempted to dry his penis in the Dyson Airblade
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If everyone in China jumped up and down at exactly the same time, they would win Britain's Got Talent.
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The Caesar Salad was named after Julius Salad.
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