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These Facebook emails "find more friends" are annoying af. I haven't logged onto Facebook in a solid 3 years.
If she 85 im 85
When bored... 1. Open fridge. Nothing to eat. 2. Open pantry. Nothing to eat. 3. Lower standards and repeat.
EVERYONE IN IDAHO DRIVES LIKE A FUCKING RETARD
reasons i favorite tweets:
1. ur hot
2. i agree
3. i think ur a complete idiot
4. i know u hate me & i want u to know that i know
Crazy how fast things can change
me: *does nothing all day* im so tired
When you have a tea party at 5 and a football game at 5:30
YALL NEVER STOP OMF
Money ain't shit, bitches ain't either.
GF: I'm leaving you
Me: WHAT? WHY?
GF: You're too afraid to take risks
Me: [Softening Doritos under a tap before eating them] THATS BULLSHIT
[God creating a turkey]
God: Make it like a shitty brown peacock...
Animal technician: Anything else?
God: Hang a nut-sack on it's face lol
Draw me like one of your french girls
Turtle said "Silence, water horse!" LMAOOO
When ur pastor Trill af
Don't be fucking with my youngins
send me a link to that make money get turnt song it was fire 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
*laying prone with a sniper rifle*
*sees the target*
*about to take the shot*
Chief Keef was only 15 when he made "Don't Like" and put the city of Chicago on. twitter.com/whattheffacts/…
Day 24: found a time machine with a 23 day limit.
Day 23: the Chinese guy didn't taste anything like I thought he would
A girl text me "wyd ?" I say "I'm on the toilet doing number 2." She said "ewww wtf." That's when I knew y'all couldn't handle the truth.
People at Best Buy don't know shit.
Re Twee if you like cabbage
Ignore if you want a spider to crawl in your ear and lay his eggs in your head and you can feel them crawling
haha is it hot in here or is it just me?
SATAN: no it should be like that for everyone
Just a friendly reminder to never skip leg day
IDGAF = i dont give away food
If you're not pissing them off you're doing it wrong.
A male porcupine urinates on the female to let her know that it's time for mating.
S/o to @Logan_Tentinger @janessa_stell
for coming out to the tournament for the "moral support" :) love you guys
Therapist: do u communicate with your kids?
Me: my son stays in his room all day & never speaks
Therapist [looks at notes]: the 5 week old?
if cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can i
Watching these people is enough entertainment.
people just don't understand how big America really is
Twitter loads slower now-a-days
i do’nt need firewerkz cuz mai sweg alwais shinez
Coworker: comin to Lisa's party?
Me [sitting right next to Lisa]: is she the one who can't have kids?
Lisa [crying]: WHY
Me: Im not a doctor
The store only had SPF 110 sunscreen. It'll have to do.
Everybody is always late. 😑
"Who the hell is saying gymnastics isn't a sport I don't even do it and I know that it's such a physically demanding/time consuming sport!"